Hi @fukumineko, well it sucks to be an adult, right? i totally totally feel you. i have been down that road, several times. in fact more often than not. one night i was soo depressed that i wrote my frustrations here on steemit, i felt embarrassed the next day because i realized i had just hanged my dirty linen in public, but guess what, i got the most heart warming and encouraging messages from fellow steemians. it made it all feel better. you can read about it here
: https://steemit.com/depression/@purpletanzanite/i-cried-my-self-to-sleep-tonight-march-3-4-18-02-55

suicidal thoughts have crossed my mind , all the time. its very frustrating when you cant speak about your struggles, in fear of being judged. mental health is a real issue and must be taken seriously. the times i wanted to end my life, i spoke back and cursed the evil thoughts. i told my self that i will never punish my mother that way, not after all the things she has been through in order to give me the best life. i tell my self that the devil is a liar and he must not win me over. i also tell my self that i am strong, i am loyalty, i am a fine ass piece of diamond that is being moulded and has to go through cuttings, hot fire , shaping and all sorts of re modelling inorder to stand out and be the finest, God is re modelling me and preparing me for my mighty break through.
so after an episode of depression and suicidal thoughts, i get up and continue the fight through life.

for those who know me, will see that my nails are always short, especially my right hand, short and ugly. because i stay awake, all night stressed, depressed, worried and while i am at it, i bite my nails to the skin untill i bleed, i sometimes even bite my toes nails.
This is just to let you know that you are not alone.
these are really sensitive issues that many fear to speak off in public in fear being taken as weaknesses.i strongly applaud u for speaking out. sharing lifts a load off ur shoulders, gives you courage, knowing you are not alone in this fight and hope for a better tomorrow.

we must make these dark days our testimonies in future. lets keep trying, working towards our dreams and our determination and hard work shall be crowned one day.