Hi @fukumineko, as I was reading your post, It feels like I'm the one writing it because I've also been through that nightmare months ago aside from being suicidal. I started my year with a negative side of the world.

Depression consumed me that I don't want to go out of the room and even when I'm inside, I don't want to see the light from outside that I covered the window with a thick blanket. I know it's creepy but that's how depression made me. At that time, I just want to lie down in my bed for the whole day but I also need to go to work. I went to work like a zombie without proper sleep.

I'm just blessed, I have people around who didn't give up on me and tried to put positivity in my head during my down time. I opened up to others which my brother always told me but some of my friends can't understand why I'm depressed with those reasons. I then realize that you can't understand one's pain once you haven't experienced it yourself.

I started to open my bible and read it again. I talked to God with all the pain that I'm carrying. The pain became light and bearable that step by step I went out that depression shell. I know it's still there but not the same as before. I also decided to transfer to another place for a good start, met new friends that help me a lot.

Now, if I'm alone I watch movies and also listen to music. Music became a therapy that calms me. While listening to music, think also about happy thoughts so that negativity will not eat you up. If you're worried, PRAY! I always remember what my mom told me "Pray like it's your first time to talk to HIM" and it really helps a lot for me.

With HIS guidance, I know we will get through this :) God Bless you always.