Wow, what a heartfelt vulnerable response! Firstly, I want to make sure your ok with the suicidal thoughts or have some support. It seems like you're thru it more but just want to make sure you're supported. Being in love and letting go can be some of the most painful experiences we can endure. It hits on many levels....heart, mind, and ego. I loved the part where you said when one throw 10x hate you return it with 100x love. Those are powerful words and I wish more people on our planet lived by those words....mathematically​ it would end suffering fast!
Your wisdom leaves me feeling that an awesome relationship is on the horizon for you! I'm sending you a huge cosmic hug and want to let you know YOU MATTER! Blessings and love @unlimitedhorizons!