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RE: Illuminati Confirmed at the Gas Station
You're talented. We've been watching your work, and we think you'd do well in our propaganda department. You get fame & fortune, but better than that, you get the chance to make the world a better place. Here. Put your finger on this dot. ☣️ It captures your print and is your signature. I must tell you one thing, though, before you press the dot. Once you're a part of our charitable group, you can never leave us. We're kind of like the Hotel California, lol. What do you say?
Snap! I placed my finger on the sign before reading the disclaimer that I can never leave.
I guess I'm done now, eh?
What's the next step?
Wonderful! Welcome. Your first task is to watch CNN in a dark room by yourself for 72 hours straight. You might want to brew plenty of coffee and get a bucket. After you complete this task, you will find $5,000 in your bank account. Remember, we will be watching.
Hmmm... Starting.... NOW!
Well, that didn't last long. You won't move up without doing what you're told. Compliant members get rewards. Noncompliant members get surprises. Good day. 👁️🗨️
sur...prises? Are you trying to make punishment sound more bearable? :|
We don't believe in punishment. We believe in reformation. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable, but it's essential for moving up the pyramid. It's your decision to cooperate or not. Paint your own picture! 🌈
fires up CNN ... Well, here I go again. Hope I last longer than last time!
I really want to climb up that pyramid of yours and get me some nice moneys!
Fun fact: We don't even have CNN in my country.
We know. That's why we picked you out. You're in propaganda, remember? Your role in this charitable organization is to bring enlightenment to your fellow countrymen. What could be more patriotic? We, I mean CNN, can be streamed over the internet. Better get to watching! Something... odd could happen. Wouldn't you rather have fortune and fame! We know you would. 😉