Returning to Steemit After Hiatus

Good evening Steemit Community! Hopefully, some of you remember me (even if it's vaguely!) from the short amount of time I spent on here last summer. While my intentions were to keep writing and curating, life had different plans for me. This last school year was an absolute nightmare, with the focus each day just being how to make it to the end of the day in one piece. As some may remember, I was a foster parent and had two littles staying with me at the time. When last I wrote, I had just found out that both were to become part of my forever family. Three months after receiving that exhilarating and soul-relieving news, our worlds came to a halt...and then came crashing down on us.

In October, one month before both children were to be adopted on National Adoption Day, I learned that the Court of Appeals reversed the decision of the judge to terminate parental rights of my foster son. I later found out that by luck (or no luck) of the draw, we drew a "parent friendly, drug friendly" judge. Everyone involved absolutely could not believe--hadn't even dreamed--that this could even be a remote possibility given the evidence of the case. We were to start from scratch, and the little boy who had lived for over two years in my care, over half of his life, would now be even more likely to be leaving the only home he could remember and returning to a parent who had not changed since the day he had been removed. I was heartbroken, and that doesn't even come close to describing the pain and agony I felt. And oh! The poor Little Man...it was more than he could handle in his little three-year-old world. How do you look into the face of innocence and tell them that the world they knew, the world that was safe and that they trusted, might possibly be no more?

I knew that I had to do whatever possible to keep him safe. It was recommended to me by a third party that I file a petition to become a legal intervenor in the case. I would need to hire an attorney, pay out of my own pocket, and there was no guarantee that the judge would allow it...or that it would make the slightest difference to the case. With my family's support, I knew that none of us would ever live with ourselves if we do everything possible to help our Little Man. So I hired a barracuda of an attorney from another county and filed my petition. I was granted legal status of intervenor and became a party to the case. It was a small victory, but still such a long road to travel ahead.

Months went by. Visits began, and so did the nightmares, and the separation anxiety, and the regression in potty training, and trouble at school, and the night terrors...and on, and on, and on. Each week led to a new and more difficult struggle that Little Man was facing. My days and nights were consumed with trying to make him feel safe and loved, while praying, crying, and pleading for God to keep him safe and where he was. He was no longer the sweet, trusting, and carefree little boy he had been in the three months we had believed he was to be part of our forever family. I had to adopt Baby Girl on the day initially chosen for both children, and my heart was torn between grief and joy. He had to watch as the child who came after him was given a forever place before him.

While I don't feel comfortable sharing the complete resolution of the story, as it isn't my place to share another adult's journey, his biological parent was struggling herself. She was struggling to keep up with the demands being placed on her and struggling to watch him change as the excruciating months slowly passed. At last, she decided to give up her rights rather than wait for the judge to make the decision for her. And just as surprisingly as it began, it ended.

I am happy to say that as of May 22, 2018, Little Man is now a forever part of our family. He is my son, which I have waited SO very long to say. We have spent this summer learning how to be a family, without visits, without DHS workers, without attorneys and judges and court dates. It's been so blissfully simple, and I can't believe it's almost time for me to go back to work. I don't think any of us are quite recovered from the anguish and exhaustion that we experienced this year. I think we could use an entire year's hiatus to truly find our way as a family without chaos and anxiety being the pillars on which we had to stand. If I had the means to do so, I would give that gift to them in a heartbeat. But lawyers, you know--they're expensive, and in this case sooooooo worth it!

We have been on so many adventures this summer, and my hope is to share them with you in the coming posts. I'm very much looking forward to catching up with many of you and being reading your work again!

Pictured above: Little Man, Baby Girl, and myself fishing along the Merced River in Yosemite, California--our first "across state lines" trip as a family.