Kick-Ass: The New Girl, Volume 1 Review

An ex-soldier in need of cash decides to do the sensible thing and dress up as Kick-Ass to rob some gangsters. Why Kick-Ass – why not other less embarrassing masked superheroes like Batman or Spider-Man? Because Mark Millar doesn’t own those characters. What? You thought the premise of a Mark Millar comic WOULDN’T be arbitrary nonsense?!

So begins the latest Kick-Ass series sans Dave Lizewski, the original Ass. Except, aside from the costume, this book has nothing to do with what went before, Millar is just cashing in on the name. Fine, it’s his IP and he can do what he wants with it, but it still feels exploitative, particularly to fans of the original series expecting some connection to what went before.

It’s a readable book – Mark Millar and John Romita Jr know how to make comics – and it feels like Millar is trying at least a little bit more than usual with the foreshadowing. One scene shows Patience (our heroine) learning lock-picking and another character mentioning that a special car has a bulletproof windshield, all of which are relevant later on down the line. And Romita’s art is quite good too – I’m definitely not one of his detractors and appreciate the skill he brings to the many action sequences.

It’s still mostly terrible though. Millar seems to have forgotten what made the original Kick-Ass great: its realism (at least with regards Dave Lizewski – Hit-Girl was always a cartoon). There’s no attempt at realism with Patience’s Kick-Ass. The second she dons the costume, she’s easily able to rip-off the gangsters, over and over. She gets beat up a little but she’s able to get out of the stickiest of situations effortlessly. In one especially egregious scene, there are two gangsters pointing guns at her and a third with a gun on her daughter and she’s able to shoot all three without any of them so much as getting off a shot! It’s beyond silly. Apparently if you join the US Army you become Red Dead Redemption!

Nothing kills any attempt at dramatic tension more effectively than having an invincible hero which is exactly what Patience is. Which only makes the story that much more of a predictable bore as she’s gonna beat whoever she runs up against so where’s the excitement? Not to mention the abundance of corny scenes that’ll threaten to make your eyes roll out of your head: Patience’s Robin Hood schtick, the scene where she deals with the abusive boyfriend, the scene with the kids in the parking lot. It’s real lowest-common-denominator crap.

If you just want to see a woman wearing a Kick-Ass costume killing gangsters and nothing more, this is the brainless book you’ve been waiting for. Otherwise, don’t bother.