Arsenic Lullaby commission and complaining

Recently I got commissioned to do a sketch on an all black sketch cover for the first time. I've avoided doing any of these for several obvious reasons.

1-you can't really sketch anything out first on an all black cover, can ya?

2-I cant use any of the tools I normally would. I have to use on of those fcking white out pens or sliver sharpies or white paint pen...they all have the same problems- the fluid either doesn't come out or it comes out in a big glob. and it takes a long time to dry, making it pron to getting smudged all over the fcking place.

BUT , the guy who requested it is a good fellow and wasn't in a big hurry, so I gave it a try. It was even less fun than I thought it would be, but turned out well enough. I wanted to do something upbeat for a change so I did an homage to one of the all time great Spider-Man covers...replacing Spidey with Stan Lee. I was able to rough sketch just a bit by pushing the pencil hard enough to leave an indention and squinting real hard to find the indention as I drew with the white out pen. and I was able to use a black marker to cover up the few smudges.

Like I said, it turned out well enough.

Now then...those of you who see me at conventions ( next convention is Cincinnati Comic Expo ) and say things like " I wish I could draw" or "I wish I had your talent".

Lemme explain here that you ain't missing out on a whole lot of fun.

Did you have to do that recent windows update? The one that took like three fccking hours? That's been my whole fcking life lately as far as things getting "updated" for no reason other than to f*ck up what I'm trying to do.

Recall, if you read it, in a recent blog when I said I had to order more pencil lead...and it takes like a month to get to me because it comes from Japan...because that's the only place I can get it. Well it seems to be discontinued because they sent me some other crap and now I'm stuck trying to use the garbage to draw with.

I realize how that sounds. It sounds like I am a primadonna who won't work unless I have just the right lead. Like I'm the princess and the pea or some sh*t.

I don't blame you if it sounds like that...but Ill try to get my point across...

There is what is in your head, see....and then there is a piece of paper...and in between getting what's in your head onto the paper is THE F8CKING PENCIL LEAD. It's fairly important. The biggest difference between one pencil lead and another is the hardness. Some is very hard and has to be dug into the paper a bit to leave an actual mark, and some of it is soft like a crayon and you can just dust it over the paper and leave a mark. I prefer the later. I have a cartoony but precise style that requires a lot of long swooping strokes and whimsical curves and now I am stuck using lead that is like a toothpick dipped in charcoal. The soft lead has less graphite per actual color or something like that and probably costs more to make. ...I'd better cost more to make because I was paying twice as much for it.

Here...I'm not sure I'm explaining this well so I'll show you a picture. This is a recent commission, that has a standard sized Baron Von Donut on it.

That donut is basically two circles, right. And those circles are about 5inches and 3 inches in circumference. That ain't easy to do. The inner circle is the hardest because it is a slave to the other circle. The first one, you just draw a circle in proportion to the other figures...but the second one has to match up to give it the look of a well formed donut. Using a nice soft lead that only takes as much pressure as a crayon is much easier for this, than one that is like using a old ball point pen that has been dried shut with ink.

I'm not some beginner anymore...I'm doing world class work here because I'm competing with other world class illustrators. A lot of the lines I ink are really precise and to ink them that way, they first have to be penciled that way.

Those spines of the feathers are about two inch long curves, side by side, an about .2mm apart

While that's not easy to draw, I practiced enough to be pretty good at such things.

but now, the lead that I've been using (invested time learning how to use) for about 10 years doesn't exist anymore and I'm stuck with something half as useful. Imagine you are a NASCAR driver and they replaced your steering wheel with a square one. Can you still turn your car? Yes...but it's a whole lot harder and you're not used to it and you're going 200 mph. Imagine you are an Olympic runner doing the 100 meter hurdles and they raised them all by 1/2 an inch. Imagine you are a surgeon and they replaced your scalpel with a fork. Okay it's not that bad...replaced it with a spoon.

This...sucks.

At times like this I think back to when I was doing auto repair and ask myself "would you rather be burning yourself on a hot engine?"...I don't know if I would "rather" do that, but I know I can fix an engine even if I have a burn...I have no confidence I can actually make the lines I want to, with the skill they'd require, with these leads.

More and more the tools I use are becoming discontinued or I have to order them from across the globe. and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't order enough on my own to keep a factory running...I can't fabricate the sh*t myself. I'm telling you right now...the day is coming when they discontinue something and I just throw my hands up and say "screw it" and stop doing this.

and no I'm not just going to learn how to do it on a computer...understand this IF YOU CAN...it took YEARS to develop the skills I have with the tools I use and it would take YEARS to get as good with some other medium. AND BY THE WAY...I have no reason to believe that whatever program, touch pad, or stylus pen I started using wouldn't just become obsolete and get replaced, leaving me in the same M-F'ing situation.

Anyways, before I forget...I did this a bit ago ...

and some of my fans were all on me to make prints available. I don't do bootleg prints, for a host of reasons, but just to get you off my case...I have made 9 sets (one color and one black and white). The first set obviously goes to the original commission-er. The rest are up at the online store. (Link Below)

https://www.arseniclullabies.com/store/index.php?id_product=344&id_product_attribute=0&rewrite=bootleg-mash-up-print-set&controller=product&id_lang=1

When they are gone they are gone.

anyways...I'll be at Cincinnati Comic Expo on the 20-22 of Sept. I'm not big on doing commissions during a show, BUT if you want me to do one for you and pick it up there I will open the commission list for TWO of you. The first two. That's all the time I'll have in between everything else I've got going on and I don't want to just slop something out and take your cash. I can get two good ones done between now and then so speak up if you'd like me to do an illustration for ya...

douglaspasz -at-- arseniclullabies.com

Later.

see me this month at Cincinnati Comics Expo!
http://www.cincinnaticomicexpo.com

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