Even since many moons ago, I never had romantic dreams of being whisked off my feet by a prince charming. Disney fairy tales are full of b#$%sh@&! In fact, I used to cringe at the sight of pregnant teenagers. Why would they trade their perfectly happy carefree lifestyle to change diapers? It’s akin to all bullet biting efforts of Malala Yousafzai’s washed down the drain though I’m way older and far less accomplished in comparison. Thanks to the book entitled “Do they hear you when you cry?” (story about female genital mutilation), my motherly instinct practically disappeared into the abyss. Another reason men despise educated women.

Sex education in my native planet is not only minimal but formally received at age fifteen which is considerably late because we know kids mature much earlier than expected. If only my syllabus for middle school Biology was approved by the Ministry, for sure human population worldwide would have reduced significantly. I could not comprehend the reason parents still sucked at explaining birds and bees. On the other hand, I’m the not so average candidate from hell. A badass whom students, parents and income tax department alike love to hate. Obviously my evil plan failed miserably since people still procreate like rabbits and monsters still exist.

Teenagers these days assume they are way beyond sophisticated due to early exposure to pornography and peer pressure. They will arrive in my classroom full of themselves while basking in snobbish know-it-all attitude only to receive a jolt in reality. Thoughts alone was enough put a wicked smirk on my face.

Shits I’d love to impart are

1. Switch supposedly adult video content to childbirth video.

Under the pretense of adult video, I’ll entice students to join my class. While students eagerly expect adult movie, I’ll patiently await their grossed out expressions. All the while explaining to them 15 minutes of joy entails shitty responsibility for the next 20 years. The head of the fetus will definitely wreck their vagina. There will be scenes of the obstetrician sewing it up post birth. The kind of video where students bound to have unconscious tendencies to cross their legs like transvestite wannabe. It will take a while to recover their libido. Going through with all the horror on top of possibility of the lover running away from paternity claims. For once, I might actually get tired of mentioning “I told you so” for the zenith time.

2. Show them slides of various STD infections

It’s shocking to know that many teenagers and some adults are precariously under informed when it comes to the different types of sexually transmitted diseases (STD) and their mode of transmissions. Not only am I quite an expert on the subject matter, I shamelessly enjoy scaring the shit out of kids. So much so that they will think twice before exchanging reckless passionate kisses with strangers.

3. Too much pornography will eventually dull their senses

As if too much information is an underrated terminology, I’ll rub it in their faces further by explaining the details of the pornography industry. Classified information such as STD testing every 2 months is hard to come by. Pornography addiction create unrealistic expectations to the point that too much excitement can actually dull one’s senses even when the next hottest girl happen to be on the same bed. It’s a vicious cycle where physicians win all the way. They get paid more than twice. Once for testing and another for inability to maintain a boner. Then, the addiction gets worse with time where viewers crave sicker and sicker content.

4. Karma exists!

Genetics is one of my favorite subjects. I studied the genealogy chart of Queen Victoria’s family tree in unparalleled fascination. At the height of British imperialism, many of her descendants were hemophilia gene carriers. Also, a cause of death to many young princes. Even the last of the Romanovs were affected by this crippling genetic disorder although young prince Alexis tragically died of murder way before his time. So, be a decent human-being! Treat others with respect!

Let’s make sex education great again!

Cheers,
Wheat

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I'd like to nominate @ltcih, @rentmoney and @kevinwong to participate in COM contest.

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