I Told The Wife To Pick Me Up Some Beans And Wieners <> COM RD 31

Well I decided it was time to get back into shape. I been sitting around doing not much of anything for far too long. My lazy period has ended ... enough is enough. I jump up and set up my bench and get my curl bar ready while grand illusions start flooding in on how I was going to work out none stop and get back into shape. ... . but not today as today is just prep day.

After I get all my equipment set up I begin to think about what else I need. Creatine ... Test Boosters ... Shakes ... Nah, I don't need that stuff I will just eat a little healthier and hit the weights that will be plenty. To google I go ... foods that are high in protein. I begin to make a list .... Nuts .... Fish ... Beans. ....... Beans... hmmm ... I never ate them in a long time. Do I even like them ? They are cheap ... Beans it is ... lots and lots of beans.

I hand the list to my wife and let her know my plan. Lucky for me she was on her way out to spend my hard earned money regardless so my request for her to spend more of it wasn't an issue.

She heads to the superstore / grocery store / mall ... nail salon and who knows where else before coming home and informing me she picked me up my beans but wasn't sure what kind I wanted. She proceeds to ask me if I want her to make me some to see if I like them. At the time that sounded like a good Idea so I say yes.

She proceeds to cook me these beans and brings them out to me. They were nothing fancy just straight out of the can beans with some wieners in them. I give them a taste and they tasted exactly like I thought ..... not very good but edible. I get about half way into the bowl when I hear my tummy growling. Oh, No ... I know what that sound means. Something was about to erupt.

Source

I spend the next 40 minutes in the bathroom. Those 40 minutes felt like an eternity. Lucky for me the wife just finished placing our tissue she just bought into our bathroom. The roll that was on the roller was just about empty. So I reached for another to replaced it and when I did, I couldn't believe my eyes. I burst into laughter in the bathroom after being in there for 40 minutes due to the bean incident.

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My wife hears my laughter .... " Are you ok in there ... You been in there for a long time and now your laughing really loud ". I respond, " YES " , while trying to contain my laughter at the toilet paper my wife had purchased. ... Shit Be Gone ... Seriously ... WOW ...

After I am finished my business and other bathroom details that I won't bore or disgust you with I pick up the Shit Be Gone and confront my wife. " Where did you get this. It's hilarious ". She looks at me and says, " The same place I got your beans. The discount Store ". It was at this very moment I noticed the can of beans she bought me and after seeing the label I completely understood why I was in the bathroom for almost an hour. Brace yourself ... the image is below ....

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Holly Efffing Shit .... ( No Pun Intended ) ..... she bought me beans with the name Shitto on the can from the discount store ( what-ever that is ). I look her dead in the eye and ask her why in the blistering hell did she think it was a good Idea to buy me something that tells you right on the can that you will be visiting the bathroom directly after eating it. I mean its called Shitto for crying out loud. Her response .... " Well, it was on sale and beans are beans ".

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This story is 100 % fabricated
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This has been an entry into

Comedy Open Mic Comedy - Round 31.
As per contest rules I must nominate two other Steemians.
My two nominations this week are @goldmattersand@shortsegments

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