Comedy Open Mic Round #9 - me not so funny one

On any given day I can usually make my friends LOL just by soeaking my unfiltered mind.
Apparently I can be quite a funny cat when I am not aware of it!
Thanks to my good friend @damianjayclay who has nominated me for this contest, I find myself suddenly pulled out of the comfort of my safe place and thrown onto this open mic stage without a script or clue as to how to make you laugh.
All I can think about is how @ShadowsPub’s little cat sounded like a tiny, tiny, slow and shy fart the other night on Pimp Your Post Thursday’s Live Show.
Nothing else is coming to me except a sense of relief that I’m typing furiously into a Post and not a passing out on a physical Stage because i would be Pissing myself right now... if I were on a stage.
To relax my nerves I spend a couple of minutes playing Idle Heroes and relaxing with a couple of “left , left , oooh cutie .. Right” on Tinder.
Slim pickings dating apps, and I only use Tinder because it doesn’t require too much self advertising.
On tinder you are allowed to be as superficial and realistic as possible- swipe left , left and right!
Where has romance and good old fashioned courting disappeared to? We live in a time where men don’t pick women up for dates anymore, actually I don’t know about all you other ladies but lately I have been getting more “ babe I send a Grabcar/Uber for you okay” instead of “ hi sweetheart, I’m coming to pick you up now”
Sigh- where have all the chivalrous men gone?
And instead of going out for dinners , we have our meals sent to our homes by pink pandas and home deliver everything from Lazada to Shopee to Tesco online.
It figures now you can also order your men like you order your shoes online. Swipe left left ... right .. oooh chat to complete your deal!

Like @damianjayclay said in his post - send me 5sbd and I will probably be more fun and productive unlike that time I totally spazzed out attempting to create a poem a day for 100 days.
We can’t force creativity, give it space and time to grow like a pot belly!

Don’t you just hate it when things get serious? When they were initially intended to be fun?
Well then comedy court! Look who’s funny now ?
I have given thought of deleting this entire post as it is absolutely horrendous, then it dawned on me that there are worst things in this world I could be right now besides a failed comedian.
I could have been born a Blobfish- yes and instead of soaring like an eagle I could have looked like this on my 36th Birthday!

If any of you found yourself laughing at anything I have written here, for shame! And you Call yourselves Comedy Court! This is Not comedy !
It’s real life ... and real life can in it’s sweetest moments and sprinkled with involuntary punchlines be unforgivably and insanely funny.
Viva le comique !
Okay enough of my nonsense;)

I now nominate @bitrocker2020 , @littlenewthings and @perennial because we all need a bit of LOL every day

These are the contest rules!

Contestants must nominate 2 people to enter the contest per submission.
1 tag must be "comedyopenmic".
Include "Comedy Open Mic Round # [put the number of each round here]" in the title.
Self voting allowed up to $0.50 in value (To even out the playing field for little guys)
Bot upvotes are not allowed. (If you use bots to upvote your own post, you will not be considered for a prize)
Limit of 2 entries only per account. (only 1 entry will be considered for a prize)
Original material Only. Entries that are not the original work of the poster as least in some form will be disregarded. If you are unsure if your entry is original, please ask us we will happily let you know.
Resteem the rules and contest start.
Entry via a new post only (no recycled posts).
Please go through and upvote 3-5 other contestants to show encouragement (even 1% will be greatly appreciated)
Entries should be in english, it will be difficult for me to laugh if the judges cannot understand them. (Thoroughly encourage translation of non-english entries)
Patience will be required as the process is all manual.