Shut the Fuck Up – Comedy Open Mic Round 8

Hello, Friend! Promote your new post with spam-whale. Send me 5sbd and your post will be more popular and you will find new friends when I Resteem to more 14,000+ Followers and please don't let it worry you that I followed 65,000 random accounts to get under a quarter of them to follow me back and that no one gives a flying fuck what I resteem because Jesus loves you and if you send me 5sbd he will reward you by making your post payouts huge because I'm doing research to see if prayer works, not for praying to all the other gods, because they're obviously all stupid, especially those who worship at the Church of Damian, because poetry is just expressing your feelings man, and how dare you suggest I should edit my first draft. My words are the truth – you can't edit the truth! And why you having a problem because I'm reposting your original content as my own and not giving you a penny? Copyright is an injustice! Send me 5sbd and I'll tell you why. And I'll tag my posts any fucking way I want! Because I know about poetry and I'll tell you that it is not the shite broken up prose that "some people" write, though anyone who tells you that poetry has rules is not worth listening to, except for me, of course. I won't name names because that is rude and besides, my family died in a mudslide and if you send me 5sbd you'll make everything alright again, or just upvote my post so I win this competition.

Go on, do it!

Or just send me 5sbd and I'll vote for you.

(seriously, don't pay me – this is a joke you eejit!)

So @diebitch nomenated me. I nomenate @nikisteem @darrencray and @quoll.

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Photo by Jason Rosewell on Unsplash