My Journey So Far and The 10 Signs that a Steemit Account is ‘Fake’.

in #comedy7 years ago (edited)

This post was inspired by the ever evolving nature of fakers, spammers, scammers and circle jerks of all types. In my relatively short journey so far down the steemit rabbit hole, it has produced some interesting and eye opening observations indeed.

This particular post here by @sift666 triggered some early memories of steemit for me, which I did not understand whatsoever at the time, being a ‘naïve’ and new user. I started paying a lot more attention to some slightly more inconspicuous trends and behaviour. My early journey through steemit, also included some interesting experiences and findings which can be found here and here.

These two posts were critically acclaimed smash hits, breaking all international blockchain records and shot to the top of the trending pages within a matter of seconds. It lit up the DA chain bitches, and the nodes were set on fire and had to be reset. Not only that, but the immense international interest resulted in a Spanish translation (really, no shit).

Now that I have satisfied my own jerkfest and have my steemit fantasies out of the way, let’s move on to reality. To be truthful, the first post did get the attention of an influential ‘whale’ which received a welcome boost and was helped along the way. I was very grateful for this. So now, I expect the same thing @v4vapid (yes, I am summoning you-got to strike while the iron is hot), but this time a 100% upvote will be demanded. I’m not really into virtual dick sucking, but on this occasion I will make an exception. If you fail to meet my demands, I will hunt you down in the PAL discord server and use my virtual harpoon to strike you in the spleen. You will bleed slowly from the fatal strike and succumb to a slow and painful virtual death. After the bleeding is over, you will be slow cooked into a broth and served with side dishes, as a delicacy of whale fin soup. You hear me?

Let’s get back on the right path here. For all of the above reasons, I decided to conduct a rigorous scientific study with the help of some internet sleuths and forensic computer scientists to conclude the findings and publish them on the blockchain. I encourage all of the potentially accused, to reply to these findings in the comments section of this post. You may even get a ‘dusty’ upvote, if you catch my attention in a ridiculous and circle-jerky fashion. If you would prefer to argue or have a debate with me on these matters, that would be even more welcome. I WILL DESTROY YOU AND TAKE YOU DOWN ON DA CHAIN.

On to the disclaimer and scientific results themselves….

*THIS STUDY WAS CONDUCTED IN A CONTROLLED TEMPERATURE AND SAFE ENVIRONMENT, WHILST ABIDING BY THE STRINGENT HUMANITARIAN INTERNATIONAL LAW OF THE INTERNETS. NO BOTS, FAKE ACCOUNTS, SCAMMERS, SPAMMERS OR CIRCLE JERKS WERE PHYSICALLY OR PSYCHOLOGICALLY ABUSED, TORTURED, OR HAD THEIR FEELINGS HURT. ALL PARTICIPANTS WERE TREATED IN A RESPECTFUL AND HUMANE MANNER THROUGHOUT THIS ENTIRE PROCESS AND CONSULTED ON ANY SIDE EFFECTS, FROM ANY TESTS CONDUCTED. ONLY SOME VIRTUAL CRYPTO KITTIES & OTHER VIRTUAL ANIMALS WERE USED FOR TESTING PURPOSES .

The results of this study are as presented below-:

  1. You likely have a fake steemit account, if you write an introducingmyself post, where you receive less than 10 votes and have a post payout of $30+++, including one whale vote.

  2. You’ve probably got a fake steemit account, if the first comment in your introducingmyself post has a $1+++ upvote, with only a four letter word comment.

  3. You may possibly have a fake steemit account, if on the same intro post you have a spammy ‘steem witness’ comment.

  4. The likelihood of having a fake steemit account, increases dramatically, when you have multiple meme posts in the first month, and payouts of $30+++ each.

  5. Your steemit account may be fake, if you’re constantly getting upvotes in the comments section of multiple shit posts and you have less than 10 followers.

  6. Its’ extremely possible you have a fake steemit account, if you are part of a circle jerk fest club of upvoting, from the same ring of abusers.

  7. Its’ ‘highly likely’ you have a bunch of fake sock puppet steemit accounts, if you are part of a discord server that runs CONTESTS ONLY.

  8. Its’ very likely you have a fake steemit account, if you constantly have very high post payouts, with NO COMMENTS on all your posts.

  9. You might have more than one fake steemit account, if you have the same username on 2 different profiles, while on the same discord server.

  10. You have a REAL steemit account, if you know this is funny shit, but is not a joke.

It may be a good idea to print or copy this and tape it to your monitor, to have quick access to these vital signs of fake thug life, as you will require it quite regularly…

All images sourced from giphy.com 1 2 3

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I remember those 2 earlier posts so well !

They are like uninvited douchebags that turn up to a party, and proceed to drink all your beer.

Thankfully they have drifted off into the sunset:) For now!

Check this out. Now if only they could !

And apparently chief spammer has had computer troubles, which explains why all the accounts have been quiet for a couple of weeks. Couldn't happen to a nicer (insert your own special word here) !

shhhhh, now they all know to use multiple computers..

Noooooooooooo

i'm sure someone started a social mining rig yesterday

ohh this is came out great! love the scientific disclaimer LOL I'm taping up my print out of warning signs for the fake thug life presently ;-P
insert hilarious whale harpooning gif here (laptop is still off line booo)

When I said write, I was expecting some funny story about jumping off into the horizon or a food fest gathering of sorts. You know Steemit-related topics don’t pay! Look at my slim earnings! Whew, I guess my account is “real” of sorts. This is a team acct but my teammates are MIA at the moment. I have a personal account too but simply too lazy to upvote myself with my penny worth. Not worth the dust.

This one was brewing in the background for a while. Just had to find the right inspiration and words:)

Funny how it’s Steemit-related topics that are our inspiration to write. The ones with the measly earnings for us small fishes because not very many will read it. Why oh why do we seek knowledge!

Hey - congrats with having a 2 cent worth on here!

Edited: you have the attention of a whale! Atta @palikari123!

It seems to be the best thing to monetize on as people can relate to these topics.

You think @bifilarcoil? I also think a big factor is the audience you have as well. Take my 2 cent post for instance. My audience are the small redfish and minnows. Not much monetary value there. I saw another post with the same message. Author with a higher level rep at 60 or 70, but far higher earnings. Of course, the person had exceptional writing skills too. 😉

What is VDS? You know I try to be cool but I’m really not. I only figured out what IMO meant a few weeks back.

Read the article again lol...answer is in the whale paragraph

As long as there are newbies stepping in the same boat, this type of info will have value to them as they will find themselves in the same position.

Steemit created this niche all by itself. This niche will exist as long as people experience unfairness? not sure...

So that raises the question what is fair?
Is there a fairness equation?
is there real science that explains fairness... (real science, as in, not funded by corporate america)

please define exceptional writing skills. :-)

You did an awesome job putting this together @palikari123 ! The tone is perfect ;) I sort of hate to say it, but resteeming this post is an excellent and timely transition for me here in my Steemit adventure (will explain more of what I mean in discord DM).

Shine the light brother, make some cockroaches scamper :) :)

Harpoons are for sissies.

Let's settle this the old fashioned way, shall we?

Mano y mano -

whale wins.gif

Ok then, have it your way.

Why are men this way? 😀😁😍 Their discussions are so funny. They insult themselves and then they go to drink beers together, as if nothing had happened. I want to understand how they do it! They made me laugh a lot, thanks for that.😀😁😍😘 (I even forgot the topic of the post)

They live and let die. Have a little fight and then get on with life especially over small little things. I'm sure if it was something serious it would be different

Yes, that seems so adorable to me 😀

BTW, thank you for the translation in Spanish.

bitch fight, just before the invention of bean farts.

Not until you live up to your side of the deal and add the other 69% thank you! Or stop trolling my post.

Well, that was probably the worst virtual blowjob I ever had, hhmff...


flacid.gif


but there's another way to get that other 69%...but it aint' pretty.


69 yeah.gif

Guess i'll just have to rip out the butt plug harpoon. Slower and a lot more excruciating.

John Wayne does whalephising.
.. with a lasso

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lol you know your getting downvoted I been on this platform for a month and it is the most centralized decentralized platform pure waste of time I have to do dog shit posts about shit that I have a side interest in just to get a couple of votes. In theory its a great idea but it don't work.
There was a post on here truth about war in Syria got over 8000 views never seen that before and earned a massive $2 yeah exactly. Same time was a pic of a bowl of stew got $40 in half an hour fuk your mums.
But anyway good luck with this not sure whats gonna come out of it but work a try respect

Really, there are so many fake accounts

LOL
LOL
HAHA
LOL
HAHA you have been doing some research
LOL LOL LOL
HAHAHAHA

rehehesteemed!

Are the powers that be doing anything about fake accounts on Steemit?

Kind of hard to give you an answer on that one:)

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