Memoirs of Growing up in China - A Story About My Name // 中国回忆录—关于我名字的故事

Hi, Steemit friends: thank you for the warm welcome to this wonderful community. I would like to share my experience growing up in China. I posted the story about my birth two days ago. I am very happy to have received good response from Steemit community. Today, I am going to share a story about my name. Through my personal story, I hope you can have a glimpse of how Chinese traditional culture of valuing boys over girls played such an important role in people’s lives. As a girl born and grown up in China, I have always been very sensitive to gender un-equality issues. Since I started working as a China adoption coordinator for an international adoption agency in 1995, I have been aware that within about twelve years, there were over tens of thousands of infant girls adopted by American families. Most of them were abandoned by their birth parents simply because they were born female. However, China is a changing country. I am happy to learn that in recent years, especially in big cities, girls are no longer discriminated against and they are equally valued by their parents as boys.

Steemit的朋友们，你们好！非常感谢从这个友好的群体中获得热情的欢迎和接纳。我希望在此与大家分享我在中国的成长经历。两天前我已经与大家分享了有关我出生时的故事，我非常高兴帖子在Steemit群体里受到欢迎。今天我要与大家分享有关我的名字的故事。我希望通过自己亲生经历的故事， 让大家了解中国文化中重男轻女的传统在人们生活中扮演多么重要的角色。作为一个生长在中国的女孩子，我一直对男女性别不平等的现象感到非常敏感。我自从1995年开始在一个国际收养服务机构工作期间，作为中国收养项目协调人，我了解到在我从事收养工作的头十二年内，中国有成千上万的女孩子被美国家庭收养。她们当中绝大数仅仅是因为她们的性别而被她们的亲生父母遗弃。然而，中国在变化。让我感到非常欣慰的是在最近十年里，尤其是在中国的大城市里，女孩子们不再受歧视，她们可以从父母那里获得像男孩子们可以得到的同等的关爱。

---

---

This photo was taken by my father's elder brother, my Big Uncle in 1957, my father was lovingly adoring his first born daughter, my oldest sister. The other two children on the side of the photo were my Big Uncle's daughter and son.

这张照片是1957年我爸爸的哥哥—我的大伯摄的。张片上我爸爸用充满爱的眼光看着他的大女儿—我的大姐。照片两边的孩子是我大伯的儿子和女儿。

---

---

My father named me the first week after I was born - Xiao Qing, meaning “Small Celebration”. Being the third daughter of my family, my nick name was “San Mei” which means “Number Three Sister”. Later when I was about six, I remember he told me half-jokingly one day that if I were a boy, my name would have been Da Qing, meaning “Big Celebration”. At hearing this, I felt more regretful than hurt. I was sorry for both my father and myself. I wished I were a boy so my father would be happier and I would be loved more by him.

我出生一周后，我爸爸给我取了名字叫“小庆”。因为是家里的第三个女儿，我的昵称是“三妹”。记得我六岁时，有一天我爸爸半认真半开玩笑地告诉我，如果我是一个男孩子，我的名字就不是“小庆”，而是“大庆”了。听他这样说，我并没有感到受伤害，我只是遗憾自己不是一个男孩子。我真心希望自己是一个男孩子，这样我爸爸就会感到开心，就会更爱我。

---

---

A photo of me with my mother at home when I was four.

四岁时我和妈妈在家里的留影

---

---

On another occasion when I was about six, my father said to me “San Mei, as you know, your mom and I do not have any sons, and your Big Uncle (my father’s elder brother) and Auntie have three sons. I have been thinking maybe we can swap you with their youngest son. What do you think?” I was frightened by his suggestion but kept a calm face. My little brain worked fast and hard to come up with an answer which would stop him from sending me away. I eventually said in a matter of fact manner: “Big Uncle’s family and our family belong to the same big family and it is not necessary for us to do any children swapping.” At hearing this, my father laughed. Later that day I overheard my father telling my mother that he was happily surprised that San Mei could come up with such smart argument at such a young age. I was relieved that my father never mentioned the possible child swapping again. The matter of fact was that my father never really intended to swap me with his nephew. My Big Uncle and his wife already had two daughters in addition to their three sons. Raising five children was financially challenging for my Big Uncle and his wife. My father’s income was much higher than his elder brother’s as a middle-level cadre and he regularly provided financial support to his elder brother’s family. At one point, my father and my Big Uncle did talk about the possibility of my parents adopting my Big Uncle’s youngest son, but my Big Uncle’s wife would not agree. When my father mentioned to me about the child swapping, he was not serious about it and said it to me only as a tease. He wanted to see how I would respond to a challenging situation. Inappropriate as it appeared, it was culturally acceptable for Chinese parents to tease their children in this manner.

另外有一次，我大概也是六岁的时候，我爸爸对我说：“三妹，你知道你爸爸和妈妈没有儿子，你大伯（我爸爸的哥哥）和伯妈有三个儿子。我在考虑是否我们可以用你去交换大伯家的小儿子，你看这样好吗？”虽然我当时非常害怕，但我的面目表情镇定自如，我的小脑经快节奏地工作，努力想出办法来避免他把我送走。最后，我不惊不咋地说：“我大伯家和我们家就是一家人，既然是一家人，我们就没有交换孩子的必要了。”爸爸听后大笑起来。那天我听他很得意地告诉我妈妈，说他没有想到三妹小小的年龄可以想出如此聪明的答复。后来，我爸爸再没有提到交换孩子的事情，我也就放心了。事实上，我爸爸根本没有意图要我和他侄儿做交换。我大伯和伯妈已经有两个女儿和三个儿子。供养五个孩子当时对我大伯和伯妈在经济上很困难。我爸爸作为政府机关一个中层干部，每个月的工资要比他哥哥的高得多，他也定期为他哥哥家提供经济上的援助。我爸爸和大伯有一次是提起过我爸爸和妈妈把大伯家小儿子过继过来当儿子的可能性，但我伯妈没有同意。在我爸爸向我提起交换孩子的事情时，他并不是认真的。他这样说只是在逗我，他想看我在面对一个具有挑战性场面时是如何去对应的。他这样做看上去是很不合适，然而，父母用这种方式逗孩子的做法在中国文化里是可以接受的。

---

---

A photo of my parents and two sisters taken at the People’s Park in Chengdu three years before I was born.

在我出生三年前我父母和两个姐姐在成都人民公园的合影。

---

---

Despite the fact that my parents were disappointed that I was born a girl instead of a boy, they provided me love and care the best way they knew how. Although they did not enjoy a loving relationship, they kept their marriage intact for the sake of their children and to meet expectations of the society at that time. I have always respected and loved my parents despite their flaws and limitations. Thank you for reading my story.

虽然我父母对我出生时的性别感到失望，但他们在我的成长过程中为我提供了爱与关怀。虽然他们没有拥有一段充满爱的婚姻，但为了他们的孩子们，为了适应当时社会对他们的要求，他们一直保持几十年的婚姻关系。我一直对我父母充满敬意和爱，即便是他们身上有许多瑕疵和局限性。谢谢大家阅读我的故事。

---

---