Acts of Civility and New York Takeaway

When I was a kid as was extremely introverted and shy. Add to that I was near sighted and couldn't really see faces, and in turn read them, and a bonus of being of a mindset that "un-required communication is pointless and silly".

I was not very friendly. Most of the time I thought saying "thank you" was redundant or a social etiquette quirk that required a complex system of rules and regulations I did not know exactly, so I was also generally rude in that respect.

I grew out of that in my teens. "Social lubricant" as a concept became more obvious as a requirement of life, in order to make things "work".

As I later learned in my work life it's a pre-requisite or course, and as a small business owner.

Starting about 3-4 years ago it's occurred to me that Life in the Western World as We Know it is falling apart. The United States Empire is failing. From a societal standpoint we see language breaking down as education collapses, as well as basic civility. We're more accepting of rudeness, violence in daily behavior in the 21st century than in the last century.

I've been conscious of this, as evidenced by endless video of people behaving in a crass manner, being belligerent, aggressive and violent in situations 20-30 years ago may not even have happened. In turn I've tried to up my "moderation" level to counter that. De-escallation is good.

I recently returned from a trip to Manhattan and it's boroughs. There I saw the End Run of Civilization, the stereotypical "New York attitude". Except, it was different than portrayed in media, than the stereotype itself as I perceived it.

Some people were outright rude. Some were exceedingly nice and welcoming. Most, though, were in the following state:

Reluctant Acceptance of Dismay.

I saw a fight nearly break out daily either on the trains or somewhere else. It was routine. The other people witnessing it of course took the path of down cast dismissal. There was the occasional New Yorker come back, the UnWelcoming Retort, but generally it was Reluctant Acceptance of Dismay.

People in New York have given up on civility, and they don't realize it. It's also why the fights were so common. In most all cases I saw bullies asserting themselves exactly like on a schoolyard playground. This is what we've been lowered to in the 21st century. "Oh yeah, there's a bully being a bully". Whether it was psychological abuse or physical threats - in New York, daily public interaction is literally like grade school.

I didn't expect that, and since I hated that when I was a kid I can't imagine having to live in that environment daily. People will bravely say "yeah, but you get used to it, ignore it"; not realizing they are giving something up in that process.

They're also contributing to it's continued evolution towards a lower rung on the Civilization Ladder.

I'm now trying to be almost aggressive with politeness. Interjecting a little push back into the civility circle in the opposite direction. I find myself saying "morning" a little more loudly as I pass people when I go for my walk on the river. I'm a bit louder with "thank you" and "you're welcome". I'll hold a door a bit longer for someone. I will let someone in front of me in lines, or decline if someone does the same for me. I want to be "beyond nice" in example.

A shout out to Chick-fi-let: they are the only chain that seems to be trying to hang on to the "old school politeness" as a policy. Given that your change is sometimes thrown at you in a lot of places, no acknowledgment at all is the norm now - what I would have ignored as a 12 year old - I feel we're surrounded by what was an immature attitude on my part back then, but is literally now civility going away in our society.

We're almost at that Acceptance of Dismay point in most locales from my experience. It's uncivilized. More importantly, it's not a static phenomenon. Like gun shots are now considered part of life in some parts of the country, and apparently routine public violent aggression in New York, it's all sliding on the slope. If nothing changes it will continue to slide and get more slippery. We're on the threshold of a "Wild Wild West" level of civilization now, in 10 years it's probably going to be lower.

Unless somehow people realize it and take an active role. I now feel bad if I miss an opportunity to be Obnoxiously Nice, to push back against that bit of entropy. I hate entropy.