The stages of discipline

The world is a place filled with different people of varying character. Anywhere we find ourselves, we are expected to have the right attitude towards people. Unfortunately, not everybody does. It might have resulted from poor upbringing, bad influence from wrong peers, etc. Before I proceed further, let me introduce what I am talking about. The art of discipline. It is required in all facets of life. Without it, nothing works, none can stand out. Discipline has a twin; practice and consistency.

The word discipline came from the latin word discipulus or disciplina meaning instruction or knowledge. When instructions are passed, it is expected that the recipient follow through. Google defined Discipline as the practice of training people to obey a set of rules, using punishment to correct disobedience. The human nature can be very rebellious if there are no set boundaries. Worse still, if not formed early can lead to the destruction of the recipient. That's what brought the famous saying "charity begins at home" into being.

To be a master of your character or personality, it takes a practice of deliberate and consistent lifestyle. And to tell you the truth, it is not always easy to go against ones rebellious nature and form a good one at that. The book of Hebrews confirmed that no form of discipline is easy. But it will always yield the right reward when followed through. It takes fire to purify gold. Anything of worth has been processed overtime. That same scripture went on to say that it is only bastards that are not disciplined. No man in His right sense will want to father a bastard.

Let me quickly say this before you get me wrong. The foundation of any true discipline is LOVE. When you discipline a child based on love, it will bring healing not fear. 1 John 4:18 tells us perfect LOVE casts out fear. A father will discipline his/her child for what He wants to see in his/her future. Why? It is because anything done repeatedly overtime forms a habit and then a lifestyle. No sane father will fold his hands to see his child(ren) form the wrong habits. Furthermore, it will destroy them if not unlearned. That is why fathers discipline their children. But, there are different stages of discipline.

Let me add a balance to this. For a father to raise his hands or pick a rod/cane to discipline a 17 year old boy/girl is simply an abuse; no longer discipline. Am I contradicting myself here? No. It's just that at that stage, that child has outgrown that form of discipline. What you do at that stage is talk to them; tell how much you believed in them, and how you were not expecting from them the acts they carried out. Reaffirm them. Call them what you want to see in them, not what you currently see. In Genesis 1:1, the earth was a chaotic mass, but God didn't speak what He saw. Rather He said, light appear and it did. These are the stages: The infant stage, the adolescent stage and the adult stage. All have their modes of discipline and I'll explain shortly.

I. The Infant stage (Age of Innocence)

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This stage is characterized by innocence as they are unaware of who they are. As my Pastor; Rev. Eboda will say: trust the tested, not the innocent. Here, the age group ranges from 0-7. It is in this stage that the foundation should be properly set. Children should be spanked when they behaved badly and praised when they acted rightly. The dos and donts should be clearly stated. Galatians 4 tells us that as long as the heir is a child, he is not different from a slave. He is kept under tutors until he matures to a grown man. Here, he is always told what to do. He should not be left to himself, as he doesn't know his right from his left yet. This is sometimes referred to as the age of innocence. Decisions should be solely made by the parents on anything the child might be involved in. Never accept the common mantra saying, "leave him alone, he's just a kid". The child will build his hope on that that he won't be disciplined if he is in the wrong. Be firm. Be united with your spouse on the measures you should take in disciplining your child. Otherwise, your child can set the two of you against each other. One way to do that is, if a parent is already applying some disciplinary measures, you as the spouse should not tell him/her in the kids presence to quiet down but lend your voice in support of the measures he/she has taken. Kids can be very funny. As scripture says, foolishness is bound to the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it out. Did I sound very harsh? Laughs!!!

II. The Adolescent stage (the age of influence)

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As I was thinking of what to characterize this age group, I thought about using so many things like: the age of stubbornness, the age of surprise. But I finally came to a conclusion that it is at this stage they are either influenced to live positively or negatively. Peer pressure mounts heavily on them. As a parent, you must watch their peers and their influences. Set standards for them concerning the friends they should have and be heavily involved in their lives. If you won't, the wrong people might take your position of influence in their lives. Some kids started out well at home and turned into the opposite just by being with the wrong peers. Remember, it is the companion of fools that will be destroyed. Advise and ensure they walk with the wise. Monitoring and giving of responsibilities are two key things you must do because they tend to be stubborn and self willed at times. That is why You must be firm with the rules and discipline you set in place. Don't allow them flaunt those rules for a second. You must say what you meant and mean what you said. You tell them to watch you do stuffs and replicate what they saw. They basically learn by observation. Give them minor responsibilities and see what they can make of it. As they progress with handling responsibilities properly, give them weightier ones, until you are sure they have matured in their reasoning and ability. If they didn't carry it out well, you correct them. If they did well, applaud or appreciate them. Affirm more with words what you want to see in them (Genesis 1:1-2). Namecalling should be totally abolished. Do not provoke your children to wrath (Ephesians 6:1-4). Remind them of who they are. You build them more with your words during this phase of their lives.

III. The Adult stage (Age of responsibility and accountability)

Source: Pixabay

This is the age of belief and responsibility. Here, you've already sown seeds which has developed into a tree and you are expecting fruits. At this stage, they are able to make sound decisions and carry it out successfully. They don't need constant reminders of what to do as knowing what to do per time has become a part of them. At this stage, they can confidently deputize for their parents at home or functions. They lead successfully. It will be an insult at this stage to pick up a rod with an intention to correct them as you already have their ears. Here, you ask them what they want, not you telling or giving them what you want. Yes! Mature sons make demands on their fathers. As a father, you do more of listening to them. When they come before you seeking counsel, give an holistic view of the situation and allow them to make their decisions. You don't do it for them. And tell them that any decision they arrive at is fine with you. It is an abuse of authority and intelligence do try and do it for them. When they do wrong or fall below expectation, tell them "you didn't expect what they did from them, that you expected more". Remind them of their previous victories or sound decisions they've made in the past. Tell them you believe they can overcome any storm they might be facing. I remember Mom's believe and affirmation in me when I had an extra year. It made all the difference. You should not always castigate if after being in the wrong, they show signs of remorse and amended their ways. Also, as a parent, you should already know what they can and cannot do at this stage. You should be well able to say "I believe He could do so and so, but this, I know He can't do it". Can I ask a question? What if you were told your son stole and He is locked up in prison, what will be your first response? Can you stake your claim for him? That you knew what you invested in him and that he cannot turn out that way? And that there is a mix up somewhere?
That he was possibly framed? Your answer or response is actually what you believe about him. Some will say, I know it. He is a crook. But don't forget he takes after you. Show some believe in your children. People don't necessarily do well because they are good. They do because people just believe in them and it spurs them on. Do you believe in your children?????