Words to Live By - Loving Kindness

Abundant Mercy

As I visited some people recently, dreading the visit and wishing that I didn't feel the obligation that I do to go and see them. I was feeling the familiar rock in my gut as the dread took it's usual path, starting with the mental, then the emotional, then with the final transition into the physical. A struggle that I go through every single time, sometimes culminating in an actual panic attack.

The problem is, there is another person who frequents their home. A person who is troubled, angry, cruel, and prone to verbal and physical confrontations. A person who has displayed these abusive behaviors to myself and my immediate family many, many times. After years of forgiving and forgetting and then, finally, making the decision to no longer accept and allow these abuses, I've essentially cutoff all contact. Something that I cannot control when we go to visit these people.

I was feeling guilty about my feelings and how my decision on how to handle this dysfunction has detrimentally impacted my relationship with two very kind and loving people who have done much for me and mine over the years. During my meditations, as I have done many times in the past, I searched to find the forgiveness, in myself, for this individual. I needed to remind myself that the forgiveness must be there while still engaging in the necessary measures to stem the tide of abuse and while focusing on deep appreciation for the infinite loving kindness and abundant mercy there for all of us, including the person that I must remember to feel forgiveness for, even in my moments of guilt and resentment.