I've been in this before too. You have some great insight on some big questions!
Only thing I would say is don't get discouraged when you feel you haven't prayed or gone to church in a while. We can never fully "clean" ourselves up enough in order to earn His presence. No matter how hard we try to make it happen, it can't be forced. We only find ourselves experiencing God when we just open ourselves up to Him loving us. From there, we find ourselves wanting to pray more, be around other believers more, read the Bible more. Desire will then lead to discipline.

This was honestly a great read. I believe you will be finding more answers from Him as you keep being open and honest with yourself and the Lord.