We are looking at The Safe Room, whereby the Safe Room represents your crisis projects in your marriage.

We are looking at these different types of crisis that will come in your marriage some time or other. It is better to be prepared and has knowledge about it, which will help you to deal better with it when it comes.

In the previous post, we looked at Death of a loved one and read the scary statistic that up to 75 % of couples that lost a child end up divorce.

So today we look at how can a marriage survived the loss of a child or a loved one?

"Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys," writer and poet Alphonse de Lamartine once said. But is it true?

Couples that lost a child would seldom agree with the above. Normally they first experience the loss of a child and then after that, they are struggling with marriage problems that most of the time end up in divorce.

There may be some couples that will agree that through commitment and a strategy, they can push through the valley of death with time and that they and their marriage will be stronger.

Where does a couple begin to pick up the pieces of their shattered hearts and find comfort in each other?

Make a decision.

After the initial arrangements and the funeral is over, the most important thing for a couple to do is make a decision.

Will you stay together?

Each partner should commit anew to God and to each other.

"The marriage that survives the death of a child includes two people who have calculated their survival," Elizabeth Brown writes in her book, Surviving the Loss of a Child. "Reasoning, blueprinting a master plan, and analysis are part of the strategies that lead a couple through the maze of downhill emotions. In order for your marriage to survive, it has to become your number-one priority."

Will you do everything in your power to pursue a thriving marriage?

Couples should sit down and make a commitment to each other to stay together no matter how hard it is going to be. Re-affirm that they are in this marriage for the long haul till death do us part. This is even more important if you have other children and to also consider them and assist them in their grieving process for their lost sibling.

After the funeral, when things start to quiet down, you can have an emotional "crash". Knowing this beforehand not necessarily will avoid it or make it any easier but will help to be prepared.

Karin Gregory, a Focus on the Family Canada counsellor, suggests parents should start by recognizing that "sleep (even if unattainable), nutrition (even if unpalatable), and exercise (even if unwelcome) are still necessary to the physical body, and actually aid our bodies in recovery from grief."
"Don’t be unwilling to have your family physician walk alongside," she adds. "It can be very helpful to have the objective observation of someone who knows you and your body well when assessing for depression, and other signs of decline due to grief."

Accept the help of family and friends especially in the first week/s directly after the death.

Although it might help to go on with your normal activities but let friends help you share the load of cooking, cleaning and doing laundry. This help will be especially important in that emotional crash that might follow in the early days after the death.

If your physical needs are met, you must get a coping strategy that will fit you and your lifestyle.

It may mean that you will have to schedule "some normal" activities even if you don't feel like them. If you need some time alone, acknowledge that but try to limit yourself. Also, schedule this alone time, don't let it last the whole day of just lying in bed with your pain. You should also be committed to yourself, to come through it, than to just give over to the heartache and pain. Acknowledge it, make time for it but confine it. Don't let it become your whole life and your whole focus, try to put in it a compartment of your life, to take out and deal with every day if necessary, little by little.

As always when I start to explore a subject it turns out that it can't be done in just one or two posts. In the next post, I will cover the ground, writing about the six red lights, that can potentially hurt your marriage in the grieving process.
These red lights are:

• Do it my way
• Be strong
• Change
• Make me happy
• Failing to meet your partner's ego needs
• Surviving alone

Source: https://www.focusonthefamily.ca/content/mourning-in-marriage-after-the-loss-of-a-child
Images: pexels.com

Thank you for reading. I sincerely hoped that you will never experience the deep sorrow and loss of losing a child. If you did lose a child I will be honoured if you share something of it in the comments.

@hope