THE LARGEST SOCIAL TABOO: SHOW THAT YOU HAVE CHILDREN

Life is hard. Sometimes regretful. That's the truth, especially after you have children. By the way: asked if he regrets having children, almost no parent says "Yes". Why?

There are two possibilities: a. Because he does not regret b. because he is afraid of what the world will say. He's a monster, he does not love his baby, he's selfish ... So he does not recognize. Not in polls, friends or relatives, not even life partners. It's a thought that's too shameful. Especially women!

If he is to forgive such confessions, in our society we seem to expect them to want to live otherwise, have fun, do what they want with their body, in their time, to say this a seemingly unthinkable woman. A world where women do not want to become mothers or are not happy mothers are terrifying, are not they? Yeah, we're in all the scarecrows.

But they confess to the monitors.

When no one sees them, when they deal with a machine that does not judge them, sometimes they look for remedies for their children's illnesses, sometimes they look for a desperate response to such an intimate problem. So searches on Google are betting. This is a fact read in "Everybody Lies: Big Data, New Data, and What the Internet Can Tell Us About Who We Really Have" by Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, a book published in May this year, the first book at which I made pre-order. He intrigued my title and I was not disappointed. It has all kinds of interesting information and even more interesting interpretations. Google says very bad things about us, people.

People say many things cosmetized by the fear of social stigma.

For example, they have sex more often than they really are. Google searches shows that many married couples only sleep in bed, although they say something else, especially men.

Returning to women who regret having children, I read an interesting article of a psychologist working with such mothers. "I work with a mother who regret having children. This is what I tell them. "One of the important things I have to remember is that this regret must not be confused with post-natal depression. Many women suffer from this, much more than they regret having children all their lives. If we talk about statistics, about 10-20% of mothers have post-partum depression, and we have no way to regret, because they do not admit, but a 3% of a survey runs. Depression passes, regret not, he is not influenced by hormones or brain chemistry. There are people who just realize that they have children in what they have come up with and regret. Other factors that lead to this are unrealistic expectations, problems in the couple's relationship, problems at work due to maternity leave ... The most troubled are those whose lives are completely changed, divorced, exhausted, with financial problems.

But it does not mean they do not love their children!

This is the second important thing to remember. I love my child very much, maybe you love your parents, without that meaning that you want to stay with them all the time in the same house and give up other things in your life.

This psychologist says he gives his patients / clients a space in which to feel safe, unedited, free to say what they feel, to get rid of the burden of negative thoughts. And it gives them some tips: to make time to stay alone, to create moments of connection with their children (just to get satisfaction from this relationship, not only to feel the responsibility), to make the difference between needs and desires for her , and for the child, to meet needs and not to consume too much because of unfulfilled desires.

There is also a group on Facebook: I regret having children. A community of 7,800 members, that is, likes. I read the confessions of some, but written under anonymity. Long way to overcoming social stigma.