Children psychosexual development from 0-3 years

In infants and toddlers, psychosexual development is primarily guided by curiosity and exploration. From the awakening of the senses of the infant to the discovery of the difference of the sexes, the sexual behaviors are part of the healthy and normal development of young children.

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Knowing the stages of the psychosexual development of the child will allow you to more easily accompany your toddler in his discoveries, to react well during the manifestation of sexual behaviors and to know when and how to talk to him about sexuality . Here are the main steps from 0 to 3 years old.

The oral phase

From birth to 12 months, it is the "oral phase": the mouth is an important erogenous zone through which the exploration of the world and the experience of pleasures are made. That's why everything is good to suck and chew!

Physical sensations

Baby appreciates the sensations that come from contact with you, breastfeeding or rocking, for example. He particularly likes skin-to-skin contact . We tend to forget it, but the skin is the largest organ of the human body and touch is the first sense to develop. Baby likes to be caught, to be cajoled and to be massaged very slowly. These contacts also help the development of attachment . It is therefore perfectly normal that your baby does not really like to separate from you.

The discovery of the genitals

Sexual behavior is an essential stage in a child's development.
The boy discovers his genitals around 8 months and the girl, around 10 months to 12 months. Self-stimulation, already present in very young babies, is more frequent from 15 months.

Self-stimulation is a normal activity that deserves no more attention than punishment. Rubbing against a soft toy, swinging on the hips, the friction of the thighs gives them soothing, comfort and pleasure. These movements also allow babies to calm down.

It's also a way for toddlers to understand how different parts of their bodies react and test which ones give pleasure. Most of the time, they prefer certain moments to indulge in this game: the evening before falling asleep, watching television, sometimes under stress, etc. Anxious children use it more when a new baby arrives or when mom is at the hospital.

The anal phase

From 1 year to 3 years, the control of his sphincters allows the child to discover new sensations. He discovers at the same time the control he has over himself and others (his parents). This also corresponds to the "no" phase. While this can be frustrating for many parents, it is essential. It reflects a willingness of the child to be himself and to express his desires and needs, but also what he does not want. The ability to say "no" is essential to prevent sexual abuse.

Sexual games

Around 2 years to 3 years, he explores the whole of his body, motivated by curiosity and the search for pleasure. He likes to be naked. Some children will also tend to want to touch the bodies of others. It is at this age that the first sexual games can take place. However, as each child is unique, so will his or her sexual exploration degree.

Learning about cleanliness

Between 2 and 3 years old also comes the training of cleanliness . In order to respect the psychosexual development of the child, it is important to make this learning in relaxation, without pressure and, especially, in intimacy. To avoid disturbing your toddler, avoid sitting on the pot in a common room, like the living room. Instead, put his jar in the bathroom and give him time and space to make him feel comfortable. For example, you can tell him to call you when he's finished. Your child will like to have his privacy.

The Oedipus complex

This phase usually appears around 3 years to 4 years, but it can appear earlier, around 2 years and a half. During this time, the child becomes more attached to the opposite-sex parent and expresses his desire to come closer to it. It is the complex of Oedipus that allows him in particular to assert his own sexual identity. His preference for the parent of the opposite sex will often lead him to exclude the same-sex parent. It's perfectly normal and that does not mean he does not like his other parent. The child may even try to keep his parents away from each other when they cuddle. Despite this attitude, it is good to encourage father-son and mother-daughter activities so that the toddler can identify with the same-sex parent.
To learn more about this step, consult our fact sheet on the Oedipus complex .

Nudity, until when?

As the baby grows up and becomes more and more curious about nudity, many parents wonder when they should stop bathing with their child or be naked in front of him. As with all complex questions, there is no single answer. There are 2 main points of view on the subject. Experts argue that nudity is not a problem as long as there is no discomfort and everyone respects the limits of the other. Others argue that nudity should be limited when the child is about 1 year old .

Until your child is uncomfortable

For some scholars, nudity is a personal issue that varies from family to family. The important thing, they say, is that the parent and the child are comfortable with nudity and that everyone respects the limits of the other.

The parent must also be aware of the child's signs that he no longer wishes to see him naked or to be seen naked, either because of embarrassment or simply because of the need for intimacy. He might, for example, ask you not to look at him when he takes off his clothes or to close the door when he is on the toilet. These signs usually indicate the presence of discomfort in front of the nudity. You must listen to them, respect their privacy and above all do not make fun of their modesty. It is important to remember, however, that a child under 6 should never bathe unattended, even if they say they do not like to be naked in front of you.

The discomfort can also come from you. If your child tries to touch your sexual parts, for example, you can calmly tell him to stop doing it. If, however, you are embarrassed by his many questions or comparisons about your body and his, show respect to yourself and stop showing yourself naked in front of your child.

Up to 1 year

Other specialists agree that the child lives many things inside himself before expressing them. They consider that questioning or discomfort related to nudity is present before the child can express it. They suggest limiting nudity to a child once he is no longer a baby, around the age of 1 year.

Moreover, according to this point of view, while nakedness goes unnoticed in your baby, it is different when it is made older. Around 1 year, he begins to ask many questions about his environment and nudity is one of them. Taking a bath with you, for example, might prompt him to ask questions earlier than if he had not been exposed to nudity.

These specialists also wonder if the young child has the capacity, given his psychosexual development, to understand in what contexts nudity is acceptable and in which others it is inadequate.

There is no need to worry though if your child surprises you naked. You can then simply ask him to wait a moment and tell him that you will join him when you finish dressing. If he is older, you can also ask him to knock before entering.

To conclude, some experts will say that the child will express somehow his discomfort to nakedness and that it will be time to stop. Others agree that it is better to limit nudity to the child from the age of 1 year since the child can experience discomfort before they can express it.