Metamorphosis

“it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are” -e. e. cummings

(Photo by Alyssa Moyer Barahona of Alyssa Faith Photography taken at the Lucy F. Simms Mural by Andre Shank in Downtown Harrisonburg, Virginia)

I decided to do a little photoshoot in royal blue to capture my mood at the start of a new chapter as I finally continue with my college education and start fresh with a new outlook on life. I’m all about good vibes, positivity, and being present. In the last month I’ve learned tremendously about unconditional love, forgiveness, boundaries, self-care, and gratitude after a traumatic incident. I’m working on maintaining healthy relationships and putting myself first no matter what. Through all this emotional stress I’ve been noticing signs such as colors like blue and butterflies. I know it’s my biological parents in Heaven telling me to never give up. They’re my angels that remind me daily how blessed I am despite the hardships. I’m not only a survivor, but I’m a fighter.

The color blue is calming and peaceful like the ocean and sky. It symbolizes depth, loyalty, stability, and wisdom. It often can remind us of sadness or negativity as well. I’ve always been drawn to warmer colors, like pink, but growing up I chose to have a purple room so I had the perfect balance of warm and cool colors. Aesthetics are important to me and as a student majoring in media, communication, and marketing. Color is key in the visual art world and I love understanding the meaning behind each.

My high school color was “Blazer” blue and although it was my least favorite color, I wore it proudly. Now in college, my university’s color is the same shade known as EMU Royal blue.

I’ve grown to like the color and I’ve recently incorporated it back into my wardrobe so I’m school spirited. I’ve also accepted that I’ll graduate in the same color gown twice when I get my bachelors degree in two years. I was really excited about a purple gown, but I transferred universities.

My mid-twenties been the wildest ride like a boat going through a storm with crazy waves and the fear of drowning, yet I have the option whether to sink or swim if it capsizes. I’ve had to fight to the surface for the last few years and I can finally breathe, see land ahead, and move towards safety. I know there will be other storms, but now I’m prepared. The beauty is that the sky always meets the water and there are always beautiful views to appreciate.

I’ve also been noticing butterflies lately which are a symbol of personal transformation. They are associated with our souls and represent endurance, life, and hope. At home on my parents farm, on campus, and at my new apartment they’ve been attracted to me. Looking back, my time I spent lost and depressed was actually time in my cocoon. As summer is coming to a close I’ve emerged as a butterfly ready to spread my wings and embrace all the changes with patience and grace. I’ve started this spiritual journey and am beginning to feel whole again. I actually feel pure joy and experience moments with so much meaning. I’m constantly reminded that I’m mean to be alive even though suicide has been a thought so many times.

The Monarch butterfly is common in my area of the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia. I was able to capture one on film last weekend and it was so precious to take that sacred pause to enjoy nature. I’ve been fascinated by the blue butterfly, also known as the Morpho, which symbolizes rebirth. I’ve seen the emoji for it and did research since it’s a prevalent enough symbol to use in texting and on social media. I’m typically not one who likes butterfly or floral prints which I find tacky, but the Morpho has captivated me and I’m enjoying learning about all different types of butterflies now.

My mind is finally open and I feel a sense of freedom. I’m falling in love with life again and I am so excited about my future. Before it felt like I had nothing to look forward to and now I can’t imagine missing out on what’s to come.

A book I’m reading that’s really inspired me is Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant about facing adversity, building resilience, and finding joy. It discusses not just PTSD, but post traumatic GROWTH. I 10/10 recommend this book which can be found on Amazon or your local bookstore.

Some say blue is the warmest color like the hottest part of a flame...full of passion, life, and purpose.

“there are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind” -c.s. lewis