Lost
08/21/2018
Let me call what I live today misery without fear, I am lying in the floor of my home, or what I used to call home, I lost absolutely everything, not the material things, I lost myself, completely, I feel I am unable to hold a little more this situation that is driving me to madness, more balanced is a psychiatric patient that I am, ¿should I go to one?, I don’t think so, definitely no, I don’t want to stay drugged.
My things are packed in only 2 suitcases, 20 years of life in two suitcases and a pocketbook with documents, many times we decided that we want to start from scratch, it is what I going to do, an unknown country, with unknown persons, I want to end with this pain.
God take pity on me.
My mother has no idea that I'm leaving, I left a letter in her handbag two days ago when I take her to lunch with me, for me it was a perfect goodbye, she was joyful and even happy, with these memory I grab my suitcases and I am ready to start my trip.
I'll call this the trip of the meeting, I will go through different countries until find one that makes me feel good, I decided that I won’t stay in big cities, I see myself living a little town with few inhabitants that I breathe the pure air, but that if I do not imagine living on a farm, that is the only thing crossed out on my list; I'm in the passenger terminal ready to start my trip, my heart beats at 120 beats per minute, I have betrayed the fear so giant that I have inside me, in my twenty years of life I have never done something for me, I started to work when I have 15 years old to help my mom, when I have 16 I graduated from high school, two week ago I graduated of nurse, and before you ask, no, I don’t think to study medicine, I don’t pretend to study the disease, my job is take care of the patient, and protect him no matter what, I hate that type of persons that think my career is mediocre because the doctors spend 36 hours on guard, guess who is next to them, ¡yes! ¡me! ¡a nurse!
My mother was the first person who told me “but daughter, study medicine, it’s better than nursing”, that day I left my house to go to the capital to study my dream career, that could be said to be my only successful dream, pure confusions, happiness of a day, I even had lovers that I thought would be the love of my life, and next week I was bored, so I am the problem.
This is my personal diary, this is story, this is my beginning, this is my trip to find the lost me in whatever place of the world.
