First, I have to say that your Mommy and Bingo pic gets the biggest "awww!" of the week, maybe even of the last year. How sweet and adorable is that?!! Were the boys in the basement during this nap time? Mommy seems so comforting with her paw on Bingo's - that's really priceless. So glad that you took this one, and shared it!
As for the basement video - just remember, offense is the best defense, and Mary did not chase him; she merely let him know that she's the alpha and that she means it; he has accepted that. This is actually big progress; yes, it's kind of a "what goes around, comes around moment". It may be when all is meowed and done, that the balance will be better than before. It is very possible that Scary Mary might come to Bingo's aid because she is going to be the boss, and won't tolerate bullying. Seriously, it's funny what they do and think. When I got my four year old at 4 months old, my big white cat made sure that my black cat knew he wouldn't tolerate the kitten being bullied. Just keep letting them sort it out; they will. Also, the boys didn't mess with her, they just went to their favored place to snooze after being warned by S. Mary not to mess with her. All great signs and progress. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for info and advice. I really need help in knowing what to do and when to do it. I don't want anyone getting hurt. Maybe I can be too protective and maybe not enough. Like you say they have different personalities that have to be dealt with. So far Scary Mary has rejected Mommy cat who is sweet to everyone. Now mommy is hesitant to go down the basement. I have also let S M up in the house for short stays and limited area.It's hard when you have 10 cats and one S. Mary.
If the cat is afraid, then by all means respect that they want the distance. If the cat has a healthy respect for S M, but is okay passing by like Larry was, then they are doing very well. I have also used a spray bottle with water to squirt in a stream as backup. If the behavior is very bad, like serious ongoing fighting or bullying, then you can put a little bit of vinegar in the water as well. When Bingo was attacked that could have put an end to Larry's tormenting her. It is a good deterrent in a bad situation. You have a lot of cats to blend, so a couple at a time is a great start. Don't be discouraged, it is usually not a quick process, certainly not with so many. Does S Mary come upstairs on her own comfortably at all, or is she pretty spooked? It is probably best that whoever wants to venture down there be allowed, encouraged to do so. Mommy and Bingo are not good candidates at this time. Two at a time is manageable; bring the spray bottle when someone new goes, but it is only to stop a full on battle. Hierarchies will be established eventually. Just be patient even though it's really hard to not get discouraged, just think of it as a challenge that you and they WILL eventually overcome. Also, talking to them while they're meeting - saying names and encouraging words can help calm you as well as them. Sometimes though, your presence may encourage a challenge - someone feeling braver or even protective of you. Just observe, and yes, it's difficult to discern sometimes, but you have video proof that S Mary just wanted to defend her personal space, not seek - find - and kill. Great signs!! Progress!! Keep posting - we can all learn through this experience. I'm glad you didn't give up. ;-D
Yes I have to get a couple of spray bottles for starters. I have let S Mary in the house, she is typical cat checking out the new space in only a few rooms. But with no encounters with other cats. Taking things slow seems just ok. Mommy cat I feel is good to help socialize Mary. She is a non dominate cat but very engaging with others. She was tremendous with Dexter who grew up without siblings and was very rough with her. She is sweet but smart. Been thinking who to put down with her. I have her 3 babies who she doesn't recognize. And they fear her. Mommy's 3 ...4 year old babies are all very timid. That leaves the older cats Larry, Curly, Dexter and Mommy. Thanks for your help, it is immeasurable. :-)
Happy to help and encourage :-). Please keep us posted!