You’ve got mail ✉️ again...from soju

Dear Linny,

This is soju, the cat again . Not my mum @supersoju, the crazy cat lady on Steemit. I’m the real soju, the smarter one. I’m the brain behind the keyboard. Mum thinks she knows everything about me, but she doesn’t...

You would have read her post on how dad cheated on me.

As if! Pull the other paw!

Mum is such a drama queen! Dad already told me where they were going before they left me home alone. I repeat HOME ALONE! They could go to a cat orgy for all I cared.

I still want a brother though. And what does mum do? She brings home a video of a potential brother, and goes on about how dad’s cheating on me? Robot Vacuum and now this?

Mum gets weirder each day.

I asked Dad if he’s worried too. He just laughed, shrugged as if to say ‘What can I do?’, and gave me a treat.

Poor dad.

At least he’s still cool.

Like you are.

Like I am.

Mum?

Not cool.

Do you know, ever since my last email to you , she’s been hounding me.

”Soju, why do you think I’m not cool?”
“I’m cool! Everyone says so!”
“Soju, where’s my $100 in rent?”
“Have you got a job yet?”
“You need to pay rent!”
“Oh, I see how it is, snuggling up to dad again.”
“Maybe I’ll start hiding his treats.”
“What will you do then, Soju?
“He won’t be so cool will he?”
“Well, soju? What now?”
“No treat? No Dad?”
“Maybe Mum’s cool?”
“That’s right! Mum is cool!”
“I can give out treats too!”
“You don’t have to pay rent.”
“Just agree! Mum. Is. Cool!”

No. Most definitely not.

Crazy, maybe...

And do you know I’ve lost weight! She’s been deliberately running Robot Vacuum faster, chasing me around! She’s trying to punish me! She gets that way too when she has no insects to pull the wings off, but she’s obviously a little jealous dad’s my favourite.

Anyway, while they were gone (yippeeee!), I logged onto my secret account again. Mum doesn’t know I’ve got a backdoor into her computer. Besides, even if she figured it all out and blocked me, I’ve got friends. I’ll just use their computer. I will always find a way. But I had to delete that account. I’ve now moved to a server in the darkest corner of the dark web. I’ve met some new kinky friends! They’re all cat lovers. Sweeeet! 😻

So I posted that I was having a party at our place! I invited them all! I wish you could have come too, but I know you’re busy. Here’s a selfie at my house while mum and dad were ‘cheating’ on me.

It was the best party! I got so much petting, compliments and treats! I can’t wait until Mum decides to go to that cat cafe again. I hope they ‘cheat’ on me some more!
😹😹😹😹

Meow!
Soju the Cat