Confronting Cancer: My Personal Battle #1

Confronting Cancer: My Personal Battle #1

Photo by Nadezhda Moryak: https://www.pexels.com/photo/abstract-illustration-of-breasts-8685409/

About six years ago, I found out I had breast cancer. I was only 32 years old, and the disease had already reached the third stage. It was a challenging period. As someone who has encountered this disease, I want to share my experiences with you, and we'll start this journey the day chemotherapy was decided.

First, they gave a drug called the 'Red Devil'. This drug was notorious for its strength, famed for bringing even the strongest men to their knees. One of the most notable side effects was hair loss. My hair had always been thick and luscious, and this part was especially difficult for me. Fearing a sudden, total hair loss, I decided to get my hair cut short before the treatment started. Looking back, this was one of the best ways to prepare for the disease.

The treatment started, but something was wrong. The drug wasn't working. My doctors were puzzled; they couldn't understand how such a potent drug wasn't making any difference. The size of my cancer cells remained the same. They observed for a while longer, but the situation did not change.

When the effect of the drugs decreased, I pondered why the drug wasn't effective on me. The answer was bitter; my body didn't want to heal. I wasn't psychologically ready to face this disease. I tried to recall what I was saying the most before the diagnosis. I remembered: I wanted to die. I believed there was no other way out, and I often used phrases like 'This will give me cancer'.

My life's struggle had worn me down. I was driving for hours every day, working sleeplessly, continuously laboring day and night... I was hardly sleeping at all. It was as if I was rushing headlong toward cancer. That's when I realized why the drugs weren't working. I had a physical confrontation, but I also needed to face cells within me that didn't want to heal.

Those were my cells. They were just like my other cells, healthy before. I didn't catch this disease from anyone. Because cancer is not a contagious disease. Their structures were distorted and they lost control. They could not return to their old state, but I could save the others. I needed to find what distorted their structures. What I had to express was that I wanted to live. I had come to this conclusion.

Photo by Leeloo Thefirst: https://www.pexels.com/photo/i-am-survivor-note-on-a-letterboard-7792485/