Laowai social circles - common issues.

Recently, I sat down to watch a bit of YouTube and I ended up drifting to the ‘Laowhy86’ channel. The owner of that channel known to many as ‘C-Milk’ (who also has a Steemit page: @laowhy86 ) made a video outlining what was not so great about being a foreigner in China. One section of the video kind of stuck with me – the part entitled: ‘Other foreigners.’ Among the key points mentioned were that of the narcissism and elevated sense of pride among some and a constant desire to one up others with tales of their experiences. I found this part rather interesting as I have not only experienced these issues, but I have also probably been guilty of some of the commonly committed offences at some time or another.

It appears that C-Milk has yet to dedicate a whole video to this topic yet, but I am sure that he has his reasons. Therefore, I’d like to take the opportunity to discuss the relevant issues in a little more depth.

Scumbag Laowai:

It’s a chicken and the egg kind of question. Where they scummy before they headed to China or are they a product of their environment? That’s probably the one question that we can’t answer. What can establish is that scumbags come in all shapes and colours, some are stoner flashcard monkey teachers, yet others are high level executive alkie sexpats.

For those that believe that all laowai are in this together, you are very much mistaken; many are very self-centred and will screw over anybody to get ahead in life, even if that means snitching on a part-time teacher on a dodgy visa to get some more overtime classes, borrowing large sums of money without ever intending to repay you or constantly hitting on your missus. You may end up losing your faith in humanity at times.

Racism and other forms of division:

Birds of a feather stick together, but not all laowai are the same species of bird. Little cliques will form and while secretly pretending to civil, will constantly talk shit about each behind their backs. However, since most laowai social circles are rather small and incestuous, everybody will somehow know all about each other. People may involve themselves in multiple circles and those circles do interwine to an extent. For example: A French guy of Cameroonian heritage may naturally tend to associate with both the French and African expat communities.

It can be established straight away that most locals will treat you like an outsider. Despite this, many will still treat you with genuine respect, if also with a side helping of excessive curiosity about one’s foreignness. Yet, some of the other foreigners may have disdain for you because of your nationality, social class, your politics or because you work for a rival company.

The laowai community of your city might only be equivalent to that of a small town, but it will probably lack that ‘community’ feeling. The sad fact is that the laowai community of any given city will be quite diverse and sometimes it is better that certain types of people stay separated rather than mixing together. But if you do bump into wrong sort, just smile, say hello and get on with your day.

The need to prove oneself:

There’s a commonly held stereotype that many laowai are running away from something back home. Many will feel a need to boast about their previous life and work experience to prove that they aren’t losers. Others will question you in a passive-aggressive manner in a vain attempt to establish social dominance. It can difficult not to laugh directly at such people. This is not exclusive to China, many a corporate environment may possess such characteristics. Yet, if you’re all just teaching English… No matter how good you get at teaching, you’re still just teaching.

Then there’s your DJs, your bloggers, your wannabe entrepreneurs etc. Many of those are too proud to admit teaching English. When it comes to myself, I might not actually be teaching English these days, but will not deny that it was a big part of my past life. But if you’re still teaching, make the most of it, enjoy while you can but try to ultimately move onto something better!

C-Milk stated that many laowai haters are jealous of him and some of his content creating pals because they can document and prove the kind of wonderful experiences that others may be tempted to tell exaggerated stories about, but can never prove to be true. The reality is that we all have our unique set of stories and life experience to bring to the table and if we could articulate our thoughts about them well enough, we would be able to write some absolutely amazing books.

Maybe we should treasure our own memories yet attempt to understand the joy that experiences of others could have brought to them. Just because we believe that our own experiences are superior, it does not lessen the value of the experiences of others in their own minds.

Transient population:

Nobody is actually going to stay around in China forever, no matter how hard they may try. People will leave eventually. They might do a great job of keeping in touch after they’ve headed back; they’ll have their own families and concerns to worry about, they’ll be in different time-zones and communication between you both will be reduced to the occasional Facebook message.

Another matter to consider is that most friendships are formed out of a need to avoid loneliness in a country where locals don’t always easily interact with outsiders. These people may not be your ideal choice of friend, yet you’ll tolerate such heavy differences and probably become drinking buddies. Like high school classmates, you may always feel less of a need to maintain such relationships when leaving an old social circle for a new one; people will naturally drift apart. The bonds between those that you actually grew up with as children will often remain stronger as they have withstood the test of time and you have probably been through much more together, you will have a set of shared experiences that cannot be replicated elsewhere.

You will form many genuine life-long friendships with other laowai, but some will naturally drift away. ‘Natural’ is the key word here, don’t try too hard to fight it. Just let it happen.

Generational mismatches:

Many old-timers will often be keen to boast of the length of their stay in the country and will be quite bitter, believing that they know better. Nicer examples of old China hands will probably feel a constant need to help newbies, yet will offer help when it isn’t really wanted.

Regardless, the newly arrived and the long term residents will often struggle to understand each other due to their differences. Old-timers may reminisce about the past, but newly arrived laowai are experiencing their adventure in real time and what went before may not be all that important to them.

Newbies will often be dependent on others to help them to perform basic tasks, communicate or make sense of what is going on around them. Sometimes an old-timer will not want to assume such responsibilities that may be dumped upon them and will therefore wish to avoid such people; in many cases they will often prefer to socialise with locals than other foreigners.

Both sides need to know their place. Neither is necessarily better than the other. Yet if we are somehow forced to talk to each other, we should try to listen and understand from the other’s viewpoint rather than our own.