My first amateur try at poetry
Background
This is my first amateur try at poetry, rather ad-lib without sticking with rhyme and structure “rules”. It is definitely not up to professional standards but I appreciate it if you could give me some feedback so I can make my next poem better.
In Hong Kong, something quite interesting you can probably find in one of the packed tourist spots where luxury brand enthusiasts wait with much patience to be served. Jam-packed with those enthusiasts, Canton Road is a mecca laden with endless luxury brands. Shop till you drop? No sweat!
A queue outside of a luxury store on a weekday around noon time
Another queue outside of a luxury store on a weekday around noon time
One more queue outside of a luxury store on a weekday around noon time
Canton Road, a mecca to luxury brand enthusiasts
There you go my first poem on what I saw the other day I was walking pass those luxury stores.
The poem
You buy luxury brands in Hong Kong, you buy untouchable design philosophies behind or a visble brand name on your chest?
You buy luxury brands in Hong Kong, you buy top-notch services or a cold shoulder leaving you in a long queue outside with staff not giving a heck?
You buy luxury brands in Hong Kong, you buy yourself some self-esteem or think you are well-dressed?
You buy luxury brands in Hong Kong, you pay the highest rent along Canton Road on behalf of luxury brands or are invited to a fashion fest?
You buy luxury brands in Hong Kong, you speak Mandarin to a staff who will get you a royal treat or Cantonese will get you nothing left?
You buy luxury brands in Hong Kong, you simply put your patience to a test!
@wilhb81 contribution and add-on: You buy luxury brands in Hong Kong, you just realized that you can't buy fancy goods with Bitcoin!
This is it. I am looking forward to your suggestions and feedback.
Content and photos are original.
First of all, as to what you said - I encourage you NOT to do rhyming. Rules are only there to be broken. Freestyle is quite modern and the main style of poetry nowadays - no rhyming, no structure. Very few professionals are able to do that well.
As for the poem, it is a great first try. The message is there and I could understand it - which is the most important premise in poetry. It doesn't matter if your language or grammar is not accurate, you got your point across. The second stanza speaks the best, in my opinion. As for constructive-criticism, I would try breaking the stanzas into more lines, make them less like long sentences or questions - this might help out. The 'or' is confusing a bit as to how it is used, but do not worry too much. We learn by trying and you show promise :)
Thank you SO MUCH for your candid review, @poetrybyjeremy, this means A LOT to me. I can learn from you, an experienced poet, and now I have an idea of how I can make my next poem better by not doing any rhyming and not making each stanza too crowded.
Thank you again :-)
Everyone has a style, so let your heart speak afterall. If you are interested, @damianjayclay has four posts about Poetry Editing which are really useful. Maybe they are too much for now, but I would definitely take a look at his Poetry Editing 101 posts because they will be extremely helpful in the long run :)
Definitely will check out his posts. Thanks again.
You just received a 5.26% upvote from @honestbot, courtesy of @prch!
Good poem.. Amazing pictures..
尖沙咀名店的人流實在太多，避不免也少去～😅😅你拍的真的一點也不誇張～
是的 很多人
Hahaha, a great new poet is rising... 👍 I never understand those luxury brand enthusiasts waiting in a long line, it’s a huge waste of life and money for me.
Im not sure if I did it right, but I'm feeling ok with my first try.
Lines for flight boarding taking you onto adventures, certainly you don't hesitate :-)
You got a 21.05% upvote from @brupvoter courtesy of @prch!
Good poem.. Amazing pictures...
Thanks
Thanks
lol, Hong Kong should be open to btc right? I believe if they appreciate it, u will told that HK is one of the best places to buy luxury goods because it is tax free and cheaper. Is that true?
Tax free, but things from basic daily to luxury are way too pricey.....
@prch You buy luxury brands in Hong Kong, you just realized that you can't buy fancy goods with Bitcoin!
Good one. Can I add this to mine?
Sure, go ahead and do it :)
This is not amateur try at all lol you did well @prch
Thanks so much for your kind words. :-) hope I can do better next time.