Say "yes" when you want to say "no"

Someone asks you something and you say yes, maybe not immediately, but you end up giving up, even if you do not really want to. However, as soon as that "yes" comes out of your mouth, something inside you gets blocked. You start thinking about everything that this new commitment or responsibility will entail. Maybe you remember the last time you helped that person and did not appreciate what you did for her. Or the problems in the personal plane that represented for you to offer that help come to your mind.

Then your brain starts to make excuses, while you fervently wish it was not too late to back out. But as you have already given your word, reconsider, you put the hand brake on the excuses and decide that you will help him. For the last time. And you turn to it. Again. And so over and over again.

If this scenario is familiar and repeats itself more and more in your life, to the point of feeling used and manipulated, you probably need to set limits. If you do not do it, you will end up overloaded, saturated with tasks and responsibilities that probably do not correspond to you and generate a great burden and stress.

Why do I say yes when I want to say no?

• You do for others what you would like them to do for you. If you are always willing to help others, even when that help represents a heavy burden for you, it is likely that you will be moved by a deep sense of duty. You show willing because you expect others to do the same, because they have taught you that self-sacrifice is a positive value that we should all put into practice. The problem is that many people will not be willing to do the same for you, and will probably take advantage of that kindness.

• You want to fulfill the given word. It is likely that you are a responsible person, so once you commit to something, you take it to term. Perhaps you did not value what the demand meant and you rushed to answer, but as you think it is not lawful to change your mind and withdraw the help given, you go ahead, even if it means a great sacrifice for you.

• You fear losing that person. If you always say yes when you want to say no to a person, it is probably motivated by fear of loss. You do not establish limits because you fear that that person will reject or abandon you if you do not give in to their demands or are not at your disposal. In that case, it is likely that you are one step away from suffering the doormat effect.

• You do not want others to think badly about you. Sometimes, you are likely to give in to the pressures of others because you want to avoid the shock wave that your refusal might cause. For example, if you refuse to help a friend, you are worried about what the rest of your friends will think of you and if you refuse to help a family member, you are worried about the reaction of the rest of your family.

• You have a saving complex. In this case, you are likely to feel an urgent need to "save", "care" or "help" other people, even at the cost of sacrificing your needs. This behavior is based on the belief that those who give themselves to others are better. Therefore, these are people who try to prop up their identity by giving themselves to others.

• You do not value yourself enough. If you say yes continuously when you want to say no, putting the needs of others before yours, it is likely that you have a self-esteem problem. If you do not value yourself enough, if you do not value your time and energy, you will be more prone to yield to the demands of those around you since you consider that their needs and desires are more important and valuable than yours.

The dangers of saying yes when you want to say no

• Resentment. One of the main consequences of not putting limits is that you will end up yielding to the pressures of others and then, when things do not go well, you will feel resentful. You are likely to end up feeling angry, frustrated and upset because you have put yourself under a lot of pressure and maybe you have not even received the proper recognition.

• Deterioration of the relationship. When a person continually asks and you give in, an imbalance of power is established in which you have the power to lose. It is not strange that these relationships end up suffering or even breaking, because it is probable that you blame that person for your dissatisfaction and end up unloading those frustrations on her. A situation that could have been avoided by establishing healthy limits from the beginning.

• Dissatisfaction and stress. Continuously giving in to the demands of others often leads to a great deal of stress. These new commitments and / or responsibilities add additional tension, which will end up generating a deep personal dissatisfaction since your needs will remain unsatisfied. From so much overturning in others, you will forget yourself.