Anticipatory thinking: think or not think?

Let's start this reflection attempt with a small story:

"A man is making some changes in his house, he suddenly realizes that he needs an electric drill but he does not have it and all the stores are closed, so he realizes that his neighbor has one, he will borrow it but ... he assails a doubt: what if he does not want to lend it to me? Then remember that the last time you saw your neighbor was not as communicative as on other occasions, maybe he was in a hurry but maybe he felt annoyed by something I have done. he is upset with me he will not lend me the drill, he will invent any excuse and I will be in a completely ridiculous position Will he think that it is more important than me just because he has a tool that I need? But, that is the height of arrogance ... "

In short, the man could not finish his work because his thoughts prevented him from going to request the necessary help. But in addition, it is very likely that when you meet again with the neighbor he will greet you in a cold way or let you show his discomfort; based on a series of erroneously preconceived ideas.

This type of reasoning or self-talk becomes an everyday sinvivir that leads to the most accurate path to embitter life.

Western culture is rationalizing par excellence; there are even those who claim that rationalization is institutionalized because everything is tried to be solved by breaking it down into parts and anticipating possible errors. So, we get involved in thousands of small everyday thoughts that assail us as we cross a street, when we have a coffee, when we are waiting in a row, when someone greets us ... invariably we are looking for a sense to everything that happens to Around us; to the look of the lord of the bus, to the laughter of the clerk, to the confusion of the co-worker ... the list is endless. Trying to give a meaning to what surrounds us is a fairly normal process, which often takes place automatically so that we can respond congruently with the stimuli that constantly come from the environment but we must recognize that many times, frankly, we cross the border of the healthy to border on the pathological.

Most of these thoughts do not have many repercussions but there are some that, rather than solutions, bring real problems. This happens because we want to find a meaning to certain situations or behaviors but we do not really have all the necessary information to make an objective evaluation of what is happening. Then we use our beliefs (which may be more or less successful, more or less flexible) to explain bizarrely what would often be enough to ask.

Anticipating the possible results of our actions is totally valid and characteristic of the human being, but when this thought is based more on our prejudiced perceptions than on a shared reality, it causes considerable anxiety in those who try to rationalize and even negatively determine their interpersonal relationships and of course , limits in extraordinary measure the success that can be achieved.

A solution at your fingertips is to ask; always ask what we can to be able to conform a picture as close to reality as possible. From the answers or from the silence of our interlocutor, we will always obtain invaluable information that will make it easier for us to make the best possible decision without falling into cognitive distortions.