Breaking Down

I used to have girls who fell in love with me,
Now I sit here alone inside my own head with nobody.
I know I'm broken...
I know times I'm hard to love but I'm trying.
I know I'm unattractive.
Some days I get so depressed I become inactive,
Everyone has that special someone;
The affection they get must feel amazing because I'm never getting none.
I had that love and what the happened.
Why did I get stuck in this solitaire with no one to love in the end.
I know I'm a mess.
But even broken crayons color none the less.
I blame my mother, for even at age one she abandoned me.
Rejected me and it broke my heart to see.
So I'm sorry if I have trust issues.
I just don't want to be left again so everyday I'm scared to lose you.
I know I'm mental.
But still be gentle.
My heart can't handle...
Handle anymore breaks.
I'm hurting deeply my mind aches.
I didn't ask for all these problems.
I'm sorry I'm not perfect I try so hard to be them.
I forget I'm only human..
But everyone seems to still be running.
I promise I'm trying.
I'm sorry if nights I'm in tears crying.
Forgive me if I cut I just want this pain to go away.
I pray day after day!
Night after night!
Please Lord help me I have no more of a fight.
I have no one to really sit down and talk too.
I know I'm a man but I still need that support from you.
Just cause I smile doesn't mean I'm happy.
I just can't show the world I'm unhappy.
If I show any of these emotions people will laugh at me.
Everyday I try to be strong.
I see my friends happy and it tares me apart, what am I doing wrong?
These emotions are getting bad.
I cry because all this I already had.
I can't even say I'm a great dad.
What is wrong with me.... God d*mn.
I'm embarrassed to even call my self a man.
I belong in a institution.
No wonder why no woman wants to date this mutant.
Some people aren't meant to love.
I now see why girls ignore me enough.
I wish I could be different...
I wish God made me for a reason.
But he didn't and everyone just loves to be leaving.
I'm use to the abuse.
It's the only love I really knew.
Maybe it's the only love I deserve.
Because I'm always getting on everyone's nerves.
I'm sorry for being such a bother.
I am how I am thanks to my mother.
I'm just not that good of a lover.
That's why every girl always chooses another.
There's always someone out there way better.
I'm tired of searching for attention.
For just that simple relation.
Am I that hard to love.
Seems so to everyone
Cause here I am still single with no one.
The loneliness is killing me.
Its hard to ever sleep.
My mental state is getting deep.
Everyone has that someone to go to....
Who do I have if I need to vent ... Tell me who?
I just miss the feeling of being wanted.
Always having that love close by... I really want it....
I just want to be good enough to one person..... Don't I deserve any of it...
Maybe I'm just being selfish...
Maybe everyone would be happier if I just vanish.
I just can't hold this in and pretend I'm okay.
Because honestly I'm not... I'm hurting. I'm depressed each and every day!
I don't mean to ramble...
But I'm tired of everyone treating my heart as a gamble....
I'm losing it.... I'm becoming unstable...
I just want to be someone's label.
Because all I am to everyone ow invisible!