Bad Email Sales Pitches and How to Fix Them

Tell me if you see this in business. And if you use email to pitch anything, see if my comments could help you craft a better pitch.

I receive emails every day trying to sell me some service. And it fascinates me how many people are trying to make a living in sales without using established copywriting techniques. (I'll give you an example in a moment.)

Now I've been writing and marketing professionally since 2001, so maybe I'm just more sensitive to these crass approaches, but that's why I'm asking you: do you see this kind of thing and do you delete these emails as quickly as you throw out junk mail?

I don't want to use someone's exact email because that is their material and I don't want to throw them under the bus. So let me share its essence and then what I would prefer to see. A sample email I just received goes like this:

PARAGRAPH 1: Everyone does this [not really true] ... jargon jargon ... but in the end you need a human touch. [Stating the problem and need ... not bad. But sweeping statements and jargon ... my eyes are already glazing over.]

PARAGRAPH 2: I'm reaching out to you because I believe you have influence in your company on this topic. [Complete with misspelling.] I am suggesting [his words] that you outsource this service to us. [I have no idea who he is, yet he is already: 1) admitting that he's reaching out for his own benefit; making suggestions I haven't asked for; and asking for my money.]

PARAGRAPH 3: Please tell me when I can call so you can hear my reasons about why you should hire us. [Although you're supposed to ask for some action in a note like this, I'm no fan of someone asking for my time on the phone when I've shown no interest in them.] I did like that he then explained they are only paid on the INCREASE in sales they generate.

So that's pretty much what he covered. And it's a good example of the problem I see in most email sales pitches: it focuses on the company writing to me rather than focusing on me. And most companies have to do this because they're casting a wide net rather than taking the time to learn about a company and write an email specific to their needs.

The companies that have typically caught my eye are those who have done one of the following:

1) Recognized some pain point we're having -- with enough details that I know they've spent some time looking at us -- with something specific they do that can help out.

2) Same as above and actually provided useful insights on the spot. Then asked if we would like more of the same.

3) Didn't necessarily talk about our specific needs, but still started things off by offering some form of value. A recent one opened with a promise that a 3-minute story would have me looking in a new way at marketing. (Most people like stories, and here was a promise of having new insights about something in just 3 minutes.)

All of these share the common trait of giving time and/or other value to me before they ever asked time or value from me. They are establishing the psychological principle of "reciprocation" -- giving to create a subtle sense of obligation on the part of the recipient. They also do a good job of focusing on the reader, remembering that everyone's favorite subject is themselves.

So I'll bring it back to you: do you get email pitches that you think fail? What don't you like about them? What types of pitches work on you? And if you send email pitches, what works and doesn't work to get you leads?