Today with a passion for life!

MY HISTORY
I was born in Angola “ex-colony Portuguese” under a civil war in 1970 by 1975 after the independence of Angola I moved to Portugal, as it was not safe to permanence in Angola there were thousands of refugees, including my family, who had run from the war we arrived in ships at the land of (PENINSULA IBERIA’ “EUROPE”)! Tears, hungry, and crowds of people laying on the ground, waiting for blankets and tines of sardines that the ‘RED CROSS’ was supporting. My family located in one place call MADEIRA, it is a beautiful island Portuguese. At that time my father got permanent work however we were living in poor conditions the house had rats, no front doors, the roofs were large pieces of metal covered with cardboard inside. So moving on my father turned himself into alcoholism. That lead to the separation of my parents for a while, as a little kid without perception of what going on, I was sent to my grandparents to be able to have some studies, then after a year my parents restored their relationship moving to a proper house together, and myself and my brother went to live with them, we left my grandparents.
The area where we moved to was on the outskirts of Lisbon, it not take long to meet with locals, dad kept his drinking habit, and mother was working very hard to keep me and my brother studying, the involvement of the area where we live did lead me to look for comfort not in the family, but out on the streets!
It made from the very young start using re-creative drugs, that without knowing lead me to get hooked. To the point my life was a mess, selling and using heroin on the streets.
It had lots of bad moments and separation from the outside world was the main issue in my life, I didn't care, I never connected with anyone apart from the drug itself, that was a full control on my lifestyle!
I decided to do give up the habit of taking drugs many times, with help from family members, and even religious places, and rehabs but was soon back to the “nest” the first one to meet was the drug before I Could even go to see mum and dad, it was very difficult constantly looking to get away from myself trapped in negativity and illusion...!
I never felt that I fitted in! The drugs were to numb the emotional and physical of my true self.
I was very solitary and was living institutionalized just with males ex-drug addicts, I never felt myself to be part of the community, girls were trees that I was not allowed to climb and in my mind, I wanted to be a tree. Nowadays I like to ask myself, is a better place to live?
After a few sessions, with a psychiatrist, I did mention that I was not feeling comfortable being male!
I was living in a self-destructive state of mind, very difficult and confusing my feelings and emotions, but I mentioned that I was not comfortable with the gender that I born with …!
As at the rehab center, I had a few sessions with a psychologist!
That session did transform my life totally!
I was still living in Portugal at this time and that psychologist ‘Maria Dominguez did tell me that Portugal is a very closed country, she mentioned that France & Britain was best places to deal with this issues, I came out as a transgender person!
Months later I started to look for work and in the newspaper, I noticed that was an offer to work in England, the information was mentioned; _not need experience, no need the langue…blah, blah… at the time I did not know a word of English, but I took the step IN!
a week later I was at work in a factory, working twelve hours shifts nights, and days, in a country that I could not even pronounce the name, it was WALES.
In Portuguese;( ‘PAIS DE GALES’) six months of the contract I went back to Portugal and after two weeks in Portugal I came back to Wales with no contract at all, but with a decision to transform my life around.
So I started to work in restaurants and hotels washing dishes, cleaning rooms whatever I be able to survive, work, work, work, by an accident at work I was nested to (‘SEEK NOTE’) at the time did lead me to become homeless, very soon I was involved in Drugs, once again. At this time, homeless, on drugs, very limited language to communicate I ended up in such trouble that I was lucky to be alive, I met the social services after being in prison, and court, was ended in a rehab this period I opened up talking about my self-being male and to be female, in my mind I was a mess.
The drugs were my method to numb my feelings. I met this practice 2004 when I was homeless living in the Salvation Army and received Gohonzon 2010.
One year after the rehab I turned my life around I had the privileged to see the ‘GENDER CLINIC’ in London. I was a smoker at the time and they give me a challenge, if I will stop smoking, they will offer me the hormones replacement and eventually the possibility to have surgery M2F … a smile did rise on me!
It Was not an easy forward attempt I had relapses, the whole process did take more than ten years till I get the "Goal" of becoming a female, that I always was inside, all these years is a history full of great support from the LGBT community, social services, Dr's, and NSH…what I am very great today with passion for life!
I do not smoke, I clean from re-creative drugs and I am female!
Sometimes people still treat me as (‘SIR’ or ‘ GENTLEMAN’) they not see me as a women…, but is OK!
I accept that my documents still in the name of Paulo Nobrega and entitle me as male!
For myself feeling and be female is what is more important to me as I live my life as any women does.
Life now to me is a daily challenge! With chanting, I feel more empowered to deal with all the challenges that come along. It gives me hope.

Warm wishes,
Monica Nobrega