It's over, but WHY? part 1

You message your lover on social media, twice. No response. You figure maybe a text message would work better. You text. No reply. You try again a bit later. Nothing. Now you’re concerned. You call. No answer. Panicked at this point, you go by your lover’s place. Not home. You check out the usual haunts and you find your lover hanging with a friend of the opposite sex.

It’s just a friend though, they both explain to you, nothing serious. But you’re nearly losing control of your emotions now and creating an awkward scene. The new ‘friend’ looks at you with sympathy, already in possession of the knowledge you’re about to find out.

“Take a walk with me,” your lover says, giving you that ‘you’re so easy to hurt’ look of pity. You hear the words, “We need to talk.”

This can’t be happening. You feel like you have just been punched in the gut as your lover asks for space, just a little time apart.

“You did nothing wrong. I’m at a place in my life where I’m just not ready for something this serious. The last thing I want is to hurt you. I think I just need to pull back and get some perspective. I really do like you, but I feel like I’m losing my freedom. It’s not you. It’s the situation that is making me feel smothered. How do you feel about just being friends? At this point I really feel like you and I just need to slow things way down, you know? So we’re just friends now, you and I, okay?“

The words fade into the background as your emotions surge forth. You realize what has just happened. More than that, you realize there is nothing you can do to change what is happening. You’ve just been dumped. It is over; it’s finished. Your relationship is toast.

“Am I ever going to see you again?” you ask, as you realize you are being dismissed, possibly for the very last time.

You go home, alone. It hurts. There is now a dull ache in your chest, a pain that is physical despite the wound being an emotional one. Your eating and sleeping patterns change. You miss your lover, I mean your ex-lover, so much as the days drag on.

Anxiety is setting in. There must be something you can do to fix this. Maybe if you call or text your ex and discuss the breakup your ex will reconsider. You need some advice. So you talk to your best friend. Your friend reminds you of something called the no-contact rule.

You know your friend is right. Initiating contact with someone who is backing away from you will not do any good and will only make things worse. You know it’s the truth. You have nothing to gain by going into crazy stalker-ex mode.

But this sucks. Damn, this hurts. You wonder what your ex is doing and who they are doing it with. Are they thinking of you at all? A thousand good reasons, or excuses perhaps, to break the no-contact rule parade through your thoughts.

You’re drowning in the deep end now. You know what happened with other breakups in your past. You realize you’re in over your head. You’re not strong enough to do this alone. You need help with this, now.