THE SIMPLE WAYS OF GOD: DIVORCE - An Original Book From @narrowminded Released EXCLUSIVELY on STEEMIT
Yes, divorce can be a "touchy" subject, but that may be a good reason to touch on it!
For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away:… (Malachi 2:16a)
Whatever else may be determined about divorce, or “putting away”, we must remember that God hates it. Doing those things which God hates is strongly discouraged, and it will disrupt our relationship with God, severely inhibiting our prayers.
And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight. (1 John 3:22)
Pleasing and grieving God are at polar opposites of the results spectrum and are accomplished by completely opposite actions.
Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery. (Luke 16:18)
If Scripture is to remain true and intact, then no other verse can contradict this teaching of the Messiah. This verse must be able to both stand alone as written and still hold true in consideration of all other pertinent verses.
It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commiteth adultery. (Matthew 5:31-32)
This passage ends with an echo of our previous verse: to marry someone who is divorced is to commit adultery. But does this passage validate divorce for the cause of fornication/adultery? No, it only states that if you divorce your spouse for the reason of infidelity, you cannot cause them to commit adultery. Obviously, this is because they already have. Your action cannot be the cause of their adultery if your action is taken because of their adultery. To divorce for any other reason would cause them to commit adultery if they remarried.
The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Matthew 19:3-6)
What God has joined together, let not man separate. Both the Father, by this statement, and the Son, by making this statement, agree that man should not separate what God has joined together. If this is the view that the Godhead holds, then no other word from His mouth will contradict it.
They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. (Matthew 19:7-8)
Though permitted by Moses, divorce was never a part of God’s plan.
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (Matthew 19:9)
This may be the only real verse that one could potentially point to in order to find a Biblical New Testament grounds for divorce. We will examine it in detail soon, and compare it to other verses.
And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery. (Mark 10:2-12)
Again we see that though Moses allowed the Israelites to divorce, this was never God’s intention. Additionally, we are again commanded not to separate what God has joined together. As it applies to either spouse, we are specifically told that to divorce and remarry is adultery in God’s eyes.
For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. (Romans 7:2-3)
Spouses are to be bound for life by their marriage, to be separated only by death. In the event of death, remarriage is permissible if they cannot contain (1 Corinthians 7:8-9).
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)
Neither spouse should ever depart from the other, but if they do, only two options remain for them: to remain unmarried, or to be reconciled to their (former) spouse. To get divorced is still against God’s way, but if no adultery was committed prior to the divorce, and if no remarriage (adultery in God’s eyes) took place after, then only the sin of divorce has occurred and not the sin of adultery.
But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. (1 Corinthians 7:12-15)
Even if the married couple is unevenly yoked through one means of another, the believing spouse should still remain faithful and committed to the unbelieving spouse. If the marriage does end in divorce, the believing spouse must not be the one to initiate it or approve of such. This is the only permissible grounds for divorce for a believer that I am aware of. If the unbelieving spouse chooses to leave, and the believer has done all that they could to avoid it, then even though they are “participating” in something that God hates (divorce), they are free, in this case, from bearing the guilt. While they are released from the bond of marriage in such cases, there is nothing mentioned here that approves of remarriage, and certainly nothing that would negate such verses as, “…Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery” (Mark 10:11-12).
To close the same chapter, we read, “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God” (1 Corinthians 7:39-30).
The focus here remains until death.
Though a spouse is no longer under bondage to the marriage, the unbelieving spouse who departed is still alive. Even in the case of death, Paul asserts that it is better to remain single and solely devoted to the Lord. Again, “I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn” (1 Corinthians 7:8-9).
Unfortunately, even in light of all these passages, there are still those who will cling to the following and attempt to justify their choice.
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (Matthew 19:9)
This verse does seem to teach that divorcing an adulterous spouse and remarrying would not be considered as adultery on the part of the spouse who was cheated on. I personally do not believe that, but even if I did, do you realize that this is only half the picture?
To simply look to the Bible to provide a way out of a struggling marriage is only evaluating half of the evidence that should be taken into consideration before reaching a decision.
You see, vows were taken at the marriage, and vows should never be taken lightly.
When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed. Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay. (Ecclesiastes 5:4-5)
God here warns us that if we dare make a vow to Him, we should not hesitate to pay that vow. To do so, He states, is foolish. He even lets us know that not vowing in the first place is better than vowing and not paying. The intentions of what we promise the Lord are good, but we live in a world where circumstances are almost always beyond our control. Therefore, any good that we intend to do, we should attempt to do, but let us not be so foolish as to promise or guarantee our faithfulness in completing a task that we may not successfully complete, especially if we are vowing to the Lord.
When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the LORD thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee. But if thou shalt forbear to vow, it shall be no sin in thee. That which is gone out of thy lips thou shalt keep and perform; even a freewill offering, according as thou hast vowed unto the LORD thy God, which thou hast promised with thy mouth. (Deuteronomy 23:21-23)
In this passage we see many similarities with the verses from Ecclesiastes chapter five. Here, though, it seems that God goes even further by declaring that even hesitation in paying the vow would be sin, rather than the nonpayment of the vow (though that would also still be sin). Again, we are told it is better not to vow, thereby preventing potential sin which may occur by failing to complete the vow. Anything we claim to do, even freewill offerings, we should keep and perform.
Obviously, God wants us to be very serious about any vow we make, so let us examine one that should be familiar to all of us. The traditional wedding vows commonly exchanged have included within them the clause, “‘til death do us part”. If approximately half of all marriages end in divorce, we can assume this is not the true intent of the two individuals who are getting married. This then becomes an incredibly foolish vow to make to one another, and to God. If the actual act of marriage needs no more than the proper paperwork being filled out to be completed, why do so many make this false vow? We should take our vows as seriously as God does, and not lie to Him or others by making promises that we have no intention of keeping.
In Judges, Chapter 11, we are told the history of a man named Jephthah who made an incredibly foolish vow to God.
And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands, then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD’S, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering. (Judges 11:30-31)
Well, if you know the story, God delivered the Ammonites into his hand, and Jephthah’s daughter came out to greet him upon his return. He had made an incredibly foolish vow indeed, yet he was a man of his word, “I have opened my mouth unto the LORD, and I cannot go back” (Judges 11:35).
What a commitment he had to the LORD! How many marriages could be saved if we were only committed to the LORD enough to stay committed to each other, if for no other reason than the fact that we had sworn a vow? Though Jephthah indeed realized the foolishness of his vow, he admitted that he could neither go back in time and change his vow, nor go back on his word, since he had promised God. Even Joshua and Israel’s leaders acted likewise when, though they found out the Gibeonites had lied to them to get them to make a covenant with them, they “smote them not, because” they “had sworn unto them by the LORD God of Israel” (Joshua 9:18).
My point is simple: if born-again Bible-believing man “A” and born-again Bible-believing woman “B” both believe that Biblical grounds for divorce exist, and they want to have that option to terminate their future marriage, if things get to that point, they need to carefully consider the vows that they will take.
Some would argue that writing your own vows and including “‘til death or adultery do us part” would ruin a marriage ceremony. Howsoever, I believe that it is incapable of ruining the ceremony to the same degree that divorce ruins a marriage. It would be honest, anyway. Isn’t truth a better foundation to build a marriage upon than sweet sounding lies? At least the individuals would be honestly making a vow they intended to keep, and not lying in the face of God, each other, and the family and friends who are present. Why should we expect the politicians we vote for to be honest, when we aren’t even honest with each other when giving our lives?
All vows, whether to God or one another, whether they be owed or freewill, need to be carefully and honestly examined before taking them, if they should even be taken at all. No matter what the context in which we give our word, let us honor what we have said and live a life contrary to that which is commonly accepted. All pre-marriage counseling should include a Biblical study on marriage, divorce, and vows. Whatever determination the engaged couple comes to on the issue of whether there are Biblical grounds for divorce or not, the two need to agree and to enter their marriage under vows that have no falsehood in them. How hard it is to worship God in Spirit and truth when we are living a lie.
It is also extremely important to remember that we are ambassadors for our Lord here. We are Jesus’ witnesses to this lost world, and it is our words, lives, and testimonies that will demonstrate His love to the lost. Married or not, we are commanded to love our brothers and sisters in Christ. Though tensions and conflicts within a marriage can escalate farther above their boundaries than in most other relationships, the worst case scenario for believers should be to treat their spouse as an enemy, in the manner that Jesus told us: “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). If we claim to serve a God of love, reconciliation, and forgiveness, then we are to behave in like manner and imitate Christ.
What did the Lord convey to us through James on the subject of vows?
But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation. (James 5:12)
“Above all things”? That certainly at least suggests that vows are extremely important to God. If “Christian divorce” is to become extinct (since it shouldn’t exist in the first place) then we must choose to have our vows become more important to us as well. It is interesting to note the order that Jesus taught on adultery, divorce, and oaths.
Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. Again, ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, Thou shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform unto the Lord thine oaths: But I say unto you, Swear not at all; neither by heaven; for it is God’s throne: Nor by the earth; for it is his footstool: neither by Jerusalem; for it is the city of the great King. Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black. But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil. (Matthew 5:27-37)
Right after Jesus reveals the truth that the thought of adultery is the same as the physical act, He speaks on divorce. His teaching here only reveals that divorce, except for the cause of adultery, causes adultery, and that marrying one who is divorced is adultery. Whatever happened to “Neither shalt thou commit adultery” (Deuteronomy 5:18)? If we are to avoid looking with lust, should we not also avoid divorce? Or, is He teaching us that looking with lust is Biblical grounds for divorce, since looking with lust is equated to adultery? (Lord, help us if we are ever so foolish to conclude such!) No, His teaching is that we are to resist adultery in all its forms, whether in thought or deed. Jesus then transitions into oaths, warning against taking them at all, but stressing that even if no oath is taken, we must be people of our word, following through on what we said we would do (i.e. “‘Til death do us part”).
Whether or not Biblical grounds for divorce exist then becomes an irrelevant discussion, unless one has not been bound by an oath. For those who have already sworn, “‘Til death do us part”, there is no grounds for divorce. For those who desire a potential future way out of marriage one day, unless they include an exemption in their marriage vows, it does not exist for them.
When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the LORD thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee. But if thou shalt forbear to vow, it shall be no sin in thee. That which is gone out of thy lips thou shalt keep and perform; even a freewill offering, according as thou hast vowed unto the LORD thy God, which thou hast promised with thy mouth. (Deuteronomy 23:21-23)
2+2=4
Thanks, @narrowminded
IN CASE YOU MISSED THE PREVIOUS CHAPTERS, YOU CAN READ THEM HERE:
INTRODUCTION
PREFACE
CHURCH LEADERS
CHURCH FUNCTION
EVANGELISM
FINANCES PART 1: DEBT
FINANCES PART 2: TAX DEDUCTIONS
FINANCES PART 3: GIVING
This is a really good article. Thanks for your hard work on what can be a challenging topic.
Many (if not most) scholars agree that this frees the faithful party to remarry. Coupled with Paul's encouragement to marry rather than burn, it seems apparent that the innocent party is free to remarry after divorce/abandonment.
Only after the sin of fornication has been first committed by your spouse, or upon the death of your spouse can one re-marry another without committing a sin.
If you are un-married, and marry a person (who's spouse has not committed adultery, or died) then you are committing adultery, as is the married spouse.
Last year I was chatting to a woman that had married when she was young (no excuse I know) and she walked out on her pastor husband as the pressures became to great for her to handle. She left him, but she did not lie with another. After a few years she wanted to return to him but he had married another woman in the meantime.
This reminds me of how perfect God's laws are.
It seems to me that in this example, the pastor was actually the adulterer as he should not have remarried (or dated) until he had proof that his ex-wife had cheated.
That is correct.
She wasn't an unbeliever as far as I can tell. She was saved and once you are saved you cannot lose your salvation. I hope I haven't opened up a salvation can of worms with that one?
This link will take you an explanation of Matt 19, 1 Cor 7 and 1 Cor 5 - these verses are all there and the pastor gives what I think is a very sound explanation.
I'd encourage anyone that is interested to take a look at it.
There would be a valid position that she had forsaken God and abandoned her husband. These would be considered the acts of an unbeliever, permitting divorce. I would disagree with the OP's assertion that such cannot remarry. As Paul states, they are not bound..
But, if we take vows into consideration, we can only remarry after death, if we only say "til death do we part."
If a Christian couple believes in remarriage after fornication or adultery, they had best include that in their oaths, otherwise they do not have that option, because they swore another oath that didn't include that.
The vows say "forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her/him, so long as ye both shall live". My ex did not "forsake all other women". In fact he insisted he was going to keep a mistress and I should be content in my position of the wife. He BROKE the marriage contract, not me. Therefore I did not need to still keep the part of the contract that said "till death."
I refused to stay even though he wanted me to. I filed for divorce, not him. Some think because I left that I caused the divorce; however, I never broke the contract.
I know that I gave him way more chances to repent and change than he deserved. I didnt want to, but God spoke to my heart to put aside my pain and offer him a chance to repair the marriage. He refused. I divorced him, lost all my money and my house and savings to him, and eventually remarried and started over and had children.
I have ZERO guilt. I studied and know scripture and God support this.
I can't imagine not having had the opportunity to have children and a family because of my ex's ridiculous sexual behaviour.
I thought about "forsaking all others" a bit more and what it means.
It's possible that we could both be right -- that one or two sexual betrayals might not result in "forsaking all others" IF the guilty party actually feels guilty and repents and is forgiven and given the chance to redeem themselves and tries to make the marriage work.
But when one party insists that they will continue on with an affair while they are married, and that they don't feel guilty -- then most clearly and definitely they have not "forsaken all others." They have absolutely broken the marriage contract and vows. And the offended spouse has the right (I might say duty) to leave that horrible situation.
Marriage is a contract.
An example of a contract is: You pay me $900/month and I rent you the house. If you quit paying $900/month, you get booted out of the house.
So the marriage contract could be intrepretated as "If you bring another person into this marriage to continue on an affair, thus "forsaking" me, then I will not need to continue on in this marriage.
I also made a verbal contract with my ex well before marriage, that if he ever cheated on me that I would leave.
Actually, rightly viewed, marriage is a covenant. A covenant binds the covenanter to their vows, irrespective of whether the other party honors theirs.
Remember how God made Abraham sleep during the Abrahamic covenant? It was one sided, though God did place certain conditions on some aspects of it.
I'm not in complete agreement with this article, but wanted to add this important distinction in light of your comment. To be clear, I do consider fornication and abandonment grounds for divorce and remarriage to be permissible after each.
This post has been ranked within the top 80 most undervalued posts in the first half of Jan 07. We estimate that this post is undervalued by $3.50 as compared to a scenario in which every voter had an equal say.
See the full rankings and details in The Daily Tribune: Jan 07 - Part I. You can also read about some of our methodology, data analysis and technical details in our initial post.
If you are the author and would prefer not to receive these comments, simply reply "Stop" to this comment.
Good article, thanks for sharing.
God Bless.