Very interesting and honest observations @powerfulwonders - you are the thinker of your thoughts;-) I know this topic of self-sabotage and actually I'm also working on doing my inner work. What I can tell you from my own observation is that awareness is the best place to start and I can read from your post that you are very aware of the harming consequences of your self-sabotage. So you can work on practising more self-compassion as we are all humans and we are not perfect and therefore self-punishment makes no sense at all. After all life is not about becoming the perfect human being but more getting good at life:-) Regarding expectations I learned a lot from Steve Chandler, who proposes to make agreements instead of expectations because as he says expectations always lead to some form of disappointment whereas agreements have a more relaxed and accountable character for both sides;-) Try out what works for you and have fun:-)