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Hi stranger, it's really amazing the sudden relief I experienced writing this post
Indeed exercise is the best thing to do, in fact I used to go to the gym for 2 years during my senior high school and stopped after entering college for I work during the day
It was the best 2 years of my life, motivation flowed together with my blood through my whole body everyday
My muscles started growing, shaping, six packs, endorphin release, and a lot more
In fact it was the 2 years I topped my class and winning school competitions
It really felt great, I really want to do it again, but I couldn't
I don't know why, I can't get the fire to start burning
I know of the things I should and shouldn't do, but is unable to do it
I didn't know why though inside me tells me that it's the depression's work of art
I felt like saying it's caused by the depression is total excuse
In the end it made me feel bad on myself, guilty and blaming myself

There are easy solutions to making myself feel better and I didn't go for it, I dare not blame it on depression, but curse myself for chickening myself being this weak me
One of the reason I never told anyone before this post is I've always felt it's me who's being weak and will be laughed at for not even able to go for the solutions I know
I know this sounds cliche or attention seeking, but it just feels like no one understands me, and whenever I feel this way, i would again blame myself "of course no one would not understand you, you don't even talk to people about it, that's your own fault trapped in your own pathetic you"

Hey stranger, I appreciate your comment a lot, it's like the first attention I received from sharing my problem although I still feel a bit uncomfortable receiving it, it just feels better in myself to receive it that we are not acquainted
Good day to you
Thanks a lot

You should blame yourself only to the extend where you realise you are limiting your strength and potential. Be kind to yourself, you are your own best friend and mentor. If you are feeling low, motivation is really hard to come by, but i urge you to engage in any action you think is necessary, for no other reason because you like doing that specific thing and because you recognise that doing what you do is beneficial for the wonderful you. One act of love and kindness towards yourself first a day, is enough to get the ball rolling.

Remember. You are not alone in this, and you are definitely not the only one.

Onward and Upward.

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