What Did You Just Hear Me Say?

"He thinks he's a psychiatrist."

--What the what, now??

I spend about 172-177% of my life feeling completely misunderstood. Sometimes it feels very fundamental and other times it's a reference I've made to Futurama or Game of Thrones. Even on this page I'm writing as clear as concise as I know how and the point will occasionally still get missed.

Lie back and tell me about your crazy parents!

Nobody's fault but mine
Nobody's fault but mine 
Trying to save my soul tonight
It's nobody's fault but mine--Robert Plant/Blind Willie Johnson

There are a couple of responses I can have to this, so this is where context becomes important. If it's a blog post that gets misinterpreted I'm more inclined to brush it off. The finishing touch on any work of art is to let it go into the world and find its own way to obscurity or ascendancy.

A misunderstanding in a conversation, especially in a relationship, can really get to me.

There's no part of that sentence I didn't like

I've recently discovered a book called Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. It's been recommended to me several times so I finally checked it out. I found a phrase in it that could have saved me a ton of getting my buttons stomped on...

"Could you tell me what you just heard me say?"

This speaks volumes to me. It asks for reflection and lacks the attacking nature of "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!!" that would likely shut the other person down. Admittedly that's been my go to response most often when I don't feel understood. It also strikes me as more than just a change in language, but a shift in attitude away from notions of who's right and who's wrong and into a place of understanding. This doesn't mean everyone has to agree on the subject, but at least we can clear up the nature of a disconnect.

SO long as we're here...

A few months ago I was introduced to the friend of a friend. During our short conversation I did something that prompted being called a psychiatrist; I asked a follow up question to something I found interesting. (GASP!)

Here is where I was less than artful. Instead of exploring the disconnect between my intention and someone else's experience of me and letting that unfold into a new direction, I rejected it and explained I was just a curious person and not trying to diagnose anyone. While it wasn't a social faux pas, I did miss an opportunity for a richer conversation.

Let's go already!

So my invitation to you is to notice the places or conversations where you feel misunderstood. And can you use those misunderstandings as a place to build connection with another person?

Written with StackEdit.