Discussing "Go Fuck Yourself, Cape Town."
So Facebook has just informed me about a post that I shared three years ago. It's called, "Go Fuck Yourself, Cape Town." I read it again this morning and I couldn't resist - I just had to discuss it here.
Cape Town
So I am originally from Gauteng, a small province in the centre of South Africa. In the Western Cape, if you mention that you're from Gauteng, you usually receive a sympathetic responses such as "Aw, shame." This is because Gauteng is known to be - well, let's just call a spade a spade, shall we?
Gauteng sucks. No mountains, no beaches, no festivals - it just doesn't appeal to young people, or old people for that matter. Gauteng, especially Johannesburg, is a massive city, filled with crime and pollution. When I was growing up in Pretoria, a suburb right next to Johannesburg, all we did was shop, eat, lay by the pool and drink. Because that's all there is to do.
Gauteng, not as pretty right?
When I finished my Matric, I packed up my bags and moved to the Western Cape, Stellenbosch to be precise. Now, Stellenbosch is known to be a very beautiful student town where you can walk around in the streets surrounded by gorgeous scenery - old Dutch architecture, rows upon rows of greenery and the mountain ranges peeking out in the background. Let's not mention the wine farms, the hiking trails, the charm of the small bars everywhere - Stellenbosch is awesome, let's face facts.
Stellenbosch
Today, I live in Somerset West, I town just 20min away from Stellenbosch, I moved here for my second degree, events management on Lourensford Wine Estate. Yes, I study on a wine farm. Stellenbosch is close by, Cape Town is half an hour drive away, Hermanus is just right around the corner...The Western Cape certainly is the place to be.
Somerset West
Lourensford Wine Estate
With this being said, when I read that Facebook article this morning, I couldn't help but laugh. Here's why:
In the article, the writer admits how awesome Cape Town is, just like how I have. What's not to love? Its been rated one of the top cities in the World for quite some time now. It's because we literally have everything: the beaches, the beauty, the mountains, the shops, the nightlife, the food, the wine, the history... However, the writer then points out that Capetonians always make a goddam point of belittling Johannesburg, exactly like what I mentioned above. (Where are you from? Gauteng. Aw, shame).
Capetonians almost always point out Joburg's flaws in the hope of proving that Cape Town is so much better. I'm not saying that everybody does it, but I've lived here now for 6 years and I can verify that about 80% of people who grew up in the Western Cape will not forget to mention how shit Joburg is if you tell them you grew up in Guateng.
So, the writer then goes on by pointing out things about Cape Town which she DOES NOT like, here they are (these are her points, but I'll elaborate in my own words):
1. Capetonians are cliquey
I've noticed this a lot traveling between Guateng and Cape Town, and the truth is, people from Gauteng are a lot friendlier. They aren't as stylish, cool, or trendy - but they will always smile and greet you. In Cape Town, not so much. My brother's girlfriend lives in Mexico and whenever they visit us in South Africa she prefers being in Gauteng because "The people there are nice. Cape Town people are not nice and they think they're so cool." Her words, not mine.
Hipsters like to stick together
2. Your business comes from Johannesburg
Joburg isn't exactly a holiday city but so many working professionals in Cape Town have the majority of their client's in Joburg.
Lots of city = lots of cliental = lots of money
3. Cape Town salaries are lower, and yet, Cape Town expenses are higher
Most people move to Joburg because that's where they are able to make the big bucks. The same job will pay you a little less working in Cape Town, and yet, Cape Town is one of the most expensive places to live in South Africa. I've been looking at apartments in Cape Town that go for R6000-R7000 a month, while a starting salary in Cape Town for project management is about the same rate. So, thank you for making no fucking sense at all, economy.
Yes Cape Town has the best clubs, but can anyone actually afford them? Not me.
4. Joburg pays for you
Yes Gauteng has e-tolls and load shedding while the people in the Cape are sipping on their wine enjoying the mountain ranges, but the truth is that Gauteng contributes almost 10% more to the GDP than what the Cape does, damn ungrateful hipsters.
Joburg
5. "Joburg has so much crime" - yeah, well Cape Town is not crime free
Firstly, gang violence in Cape Town has been a huge issue for the past 200 years, which doesn't happen in Joburg. I've experienced gang violence in Cape Town, and that shit is really scary. A bar I was at got robbed, as a part of the gangs initiation.
People in Joburg are also a lot more cautious, you won't really find them walking around the streets at 3 in the morning drunk on expensive craft beer, dressed like the bass player from some Indie band (as one does in Cape Town).
Cape Town
6. Most of you don't even live near to the beach
What? It's true. People from Cape Town always play the beach card to trump the argument, "Yes but we have the beach." I'll admit that I have used this card many, many times. I love the beach and I try to go at least once or twice a week, however, I am on holiday at the moment. When work starts, it's not easy to go to the beach everyday, let alone once a month. Many people in Cape Town go to the beach, I am not denying that at all, however, so many people who live here haven't even gone to the beach in years, so don't use it to win an argument if you don't even go. In Gauteng we have roads so big 5 cars can drive next to one another, so there.
When was the last time you were at Clifton beach, 6 months ago?
7. Cape Town doesn't have a high speed train
We do.
Vroom vroom, motherfuckers
8. When the Zombie Apocalypse comes, you are going to be so fucked
If zombies ever come to get us people in Cape Town, including myself, are not going to make it. What are we going to do? Swim across the cold-ass ocean all the way to Robben Island and gather there? I don't think so. Joburg are going to have all the weapons, all the high, fortified walls and all the burglar bars.
In Gauteng, we are so aware of crime that if any Zombie even tries to mess with us, well -we've gots this.
Good luck to all you vegan, gluten-free hippies.
The zombies are coming
