Raw jail truth, self exposing... the secret lives we bury... ❤️

I’d like to share something that is personal, maybe not in my best interest but real nonetheless... by happenstance or fate, while I couldn’t sleep last night, I started watching “60 days in” on Hulu... it’s all about participatory peeps that choose to go into the jail system and live as an inmate... they have various reasons for doing so but damn it’s raw, and I couldn’t stop watching...
Many people don’t know this about me but years ago, single and alone... I got into trouble. I spent 6 months in a Texas jail (I was charged with money laundering, drug deals and Possession because I was in the back seat of a quickie drug deal gone bad..) I knew they were coming for them and I asked to get out... didn’t matter... I was already pegged and in it. Swat team nailed us in a Home Depot parking lot.... surrounded with oh so many guns...
I became faceless and powerless within seconds. When I arrived in the jail, I did ok... I am a survivor so I saw the raw, and dunk into the deep junk of others.. my time in the heart of New Orleans taught me about the streets, how to gage one another. I was camouflage in a sense but I believe my spirit lifted a bit into it... I harshly rejected their angry system and I taught spirituality to those interested and even started a little exercise program... but, I was targeted as well... misery likes company and if you act too happy, your targeted. I ended up spending half the time in a pretty chill pod and then I was moved to the bad girl crew for talking back to a guard about laundry. That last portion I spent trapped in a small cell with 8 women, and that was by far the biggest eye opener... I saw that these women were not meant to be renewed, but drilled even more into their brain that they don’t matter... then I kept thinking.. that’s what they go face when they get out... even our rec time was shut down because there was a murder in the space just a week ago... non stop walking back in forth and doing sit-ups in a cell just to get exercise for 3 months... while the other ladies are getting bothered by your energy... being happy, and positive in that space was and I’m sure still is, dangerous...
I still look back on that time... It’s funny, all the improvements you make in your life, don’t erase these stories...
the lines on your face, or the scars on your back... they still exist regardless of the magic you make. Wise people can see this , ignorant ones judge... but without a doubt, karma bubbles... too many people think the prisoners are so bad, they judge... but most people just were never caught for their sins... they don’t suffer the wrath like they choose to place on others... but I know, it all comes back around...
I try to live a pure life these days... I have battled addiction and attatchments for my whole life... much I can’t help but to see in others, yet I focused on yoga, My spirituality, and universal love.... I got sober for over 2 years until a little breakdown recently... yet, I pick myself back up and move forward... I had to learn these skills though... I indulge in ancient literature and take numerous classes and am all about therapy. what makes me sad though, is most don’t have that... they are victims of the system that is designed to hold them back... breaks my heart... I’d like to know what I can do to help it... for now, I’ll stay out of trouble, out of jail, and keep shining light in all the places I can get to.
My intuition helped me get here and the insight I gathered has grown stronger sense... I am grateful for that.... as hard as that may seem to others to understand.
Some rawness for today... probably won’t help me get a job anywhere, but I’m an entrepreneur so fuck it... ❤️🙏
Real sh*t for today... #truth
Namaste...

Pic is free from Pixabay...
thx for following.... please upvote so I can get out of this weak status... 😘

Connect with me @subtlebodyworkscoaching fb pave or www.leahsarki.com

Posted using Partiko iOS