Invisible High

From left to right: (R.I.P.) Row 1 – Michael Jackson, Chris Farley, Corey Haim, Jimi Hendrix, Cory Montieth, Elvis. Row 2 – Lisa Robin Kelly, Kirk Cobain, Chris ” Mac Daddy” Kelly, Heath Ledger, Ike Turner. Row 3 – Marilyn Monroe, Philip Seymoure Hoffman, Amy Winehouse, Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston, Anna Nicole Smith. Row 4 – Brittany Murphy, Janis Joplin, Billie Holiday, Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Jim Morrison. (Living addicts) Row 5- Lil’ Wayne, Lindsay Lohan, former President George W. Bush, DMX, Charlie Sheen. Row 6 – Justin Bieber, Chris Brown, Flava Flav, Demi Moore, Kat WIlliams, Paris Hilton.

Drugs were introduced to me before I even knew the correct terminology. The first time I inhaled marijuana I was four or five. Because I was too young to smoke it myself, I was told to take a deep breath as it was blown in my face by close relatives. After a couple of clouds of smoke, it was all black and I don’t remember the actual high. The next drug I saw was cocaine. Once I remember lining up my dad’s cocaine as he took a phone call in the next room. In my five year old brain I thought he would be proud of me but, instead, I was chastised me. I ran across the bed to escape but he still managed to tap me one good time on the butt to drive his point home: weed good, cocaine bad. It made me wonder why it was good for him and not for me. This was something I thought to myself and kept out of conversations based on my father’s previous rage.

Later I heard acid, heroin and speed but never actually saw them in person. My aunt Betty died of a heroin overdose when I was still in diapers so I knew to stay away from that. When free basing became popular in the mid eighties, I saw my average middle to lower class city of Pittsburg, California turn into a parental ghost town. Suddenly, the kids ruled. We were able to get away with eating too much candy, drinking too many Pepsi’s and staying up past our bed times. We were so busy trying to get away with murder that it took awhile for us to realize nobody was even paying attention. When that realization kicked in, I felt alone. Eventually, my parents split up and I was left with too much freedom and no explanations. I remember thinking how much better things were when everybody just smoked weed. Then it was all smiles and Cheech & Chong movies. That was when I promised myself that I would never do real drugs (excluding marijuana). Eventually my parents both became clean but nobody really talked about what happened because they honestly don’t remember it like I do.

The flip side of my drug introduction was the drug dealer perspective. My uncles were in and out of jail and then, eventually, gone. One of my cousins, who I had come to idolize, was a successful dealer and at sixteen was driving a Cadillac. He resembled a rap star at the time; Kangol hat, Adidas sweat suit, shell toe Adidas sneakers and a fat, gold chain. Although I admired his personality and flare, I never felt the urge to do what he did. The effects on my family from drug abuse had already left too big of an imprint on my history and I didn’t want to be a part of the problem. During a conversation with one of my younger cousins whose parents began to use when mine did, he told me that since he had started selling drugs his life was going in the wrong direction. He said that it was poison and that I was right to stay away from it. I never forgot what he told me that day because I wondered what cycle he had already started himself to give his future family a similar story. There can always be the argument that drugs are all he knows but the fact that he identified it as poison meant that he knew there was an alternative. Being a drug dealer is addicting within itself because of the money and the attention you receive from the material things you acquire. Once that money is gone because you get raided or robbed you’re left with nothing. That’s how the cycle begins of you risking it all to regain the status you once had.

There have been times in my life when I considered selling drugs myself. When you are struggling to make it and see someone else having pockets full of money, it’s hard to resist the temptation. Before I could convince myself that it was worth doing something always happened – someone went to jail, got shot or addicted to their own product – and it made me second guess that line of work. Gaining this insight made me come to the conclusion that drugs just weren’t my forte. Due to the corruption of so many by drugs you would think later generations would make wiser choices but that isn’t the case. Instead, more drugs emerge without, the correct testing on long term effects, that are being glamorized by musicians. Seeing that an artist uses Molly or codeine doesn’t make me want to run out and get it like the new fashion trend. Celebrities always have a shield of people helping them hide their abuse and cater to their addiction so we rarely know the truth until they die. It boggles my mind that people completely disregard Lil’ Wayne’s drug addiction and seizures while Amy Winehouse was constantly criticized about her abuse until it killed her. Is it more acceptable of Wayne than Amy? The commonality between these two great artists is their drug addiction. Eventually, without proper treatment, Lil’ Wayne will end up like Amy and everyone will act like it’s the worst tragedy in the world when we all see it coming. It is the inevitable.

Becoming clean after a certain amount of time on drugs is about a 50/50 chance. When you do hardcore drugs like crystal meth or heroine they release an unnatural amount of dopamine in your brain that is never recovered. Usually, when you’re happy, the dopamine is released and then redissolved in the brain. This unrecoverable dopamine is what creates the urge to do the drug again. After feeling an unnatural amount of happiness you could spend the rest of your life trying to achieve it again and find it hard to be happy without the drug’s assistance. Therefore, if you do hardcore drugs, the things that you would consider the best feelings in life won’t match up to the high you felt from the drug. Crack is the only drug that can cause immediate addiction and you will never feel the same elevation that you did the first time. A close relative once told me that crack felt, “really good.” I didn’t think that was the right thing for her to tell me but I decided to take her word for it. Considering the fact that she stole from her husband, neglected her children and lost an unhealthy amount of weight during her drug usage, it didn’t seem like it was worth the “really good” feeling to me but maybe it was to her.

The truth is that there are things human beings aren’t equip to handle. The belief that one person’s ability to get addicted to a substance is greater than another is absurd. Even party drugs like ecstasy may have traces of heroin and methamphetamines mixed in to simulate the high you would get on actual ecstasy. So why chance it? Why would you ever intentionally sell or use something that has the potential to make you or another person homeless or a prostitute? Sounds crazy when you put it simply because it really is. Whatever problem a person is going through that makes them turn to drugs is only making matters worse for themselves and everyone who loves them.

The ugly truth is that drugs were made by someone. Some tax dollar paid scientist sat in a lab and created chemicals that have caused chaos since they were exposed to the masses. The government allows it in order to wipe out those they consider weak – minorities and low income people – all while claiming there is a war on drugs. It’s only a problem when it ends up in the suburbs or when celebrities like Cory Monteith and Lindsay Lohan spin out of control. For me, it’s always been a reality. There was no mysterious stranger in an alley beckoning me to go down a dark path; it was in my family. Those of us who grow up in drug related conditions have the most temptation. We can’t just say no to drugs like Nancy Reagan said in the eighties. We have to completely disconnect ourselves from anyone involved in that lifestyle including family and friends. This isn’t an easy decision to make but it could determine your life’s path. Everybody wants to get high and everybody wants to get money but there has to be a mental line drawn on how these things are attained. Why allow your pain or poverty to poison the world?