Stay or Go?, Stay or Go?, Stay or Go?

This is the question that’s been chewing my mind up for the last few weeks. I think we are almost at the point of making a decision. I say we, it's me really. Julian has completely decided and is halfway down the motorway already. Decision making has become a giant sloth for me since having children, not that I was ever very good at it to start with.

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Up until this point, I would never even have thought a move was possible. Julian has a daughter from another marriage here in Manchester. So I have always thought that moving was out of the question and reconciled myself to the fact that we would be here forever. Recently, however, a few things have aligned which have meant that a move could be possible. Julian’s ex-wife annoyingly decided she might move. After Julian finished consoling his daughter that it may not be the end of the world, he realised that it was finally a possibility for us too. When Julian first mentioned a move 6 weeks ago I was genuinely shocked. Having wanted this for as long as I can remember, when presented with it I was surprised by how resistant I felt.

Julian’s reasons are clear. Firstly, we have no family here in Manchester. Any relatives we do have live in the south of England. With such a young family as we have, when you are in a crisis situation you really do miss having your family around.

Also, after almost dying in November Article, Julian doesn’t want to live out the rest of his years in the rain. The weather here is truly horrendous. Stuck in a basin, Manchester has a very wet climate. This is actually the reason it became the cotton capital of the UK in the Victorian era, getting its nickname; Cottonopolis.

Manchester Cotton Mills Source

They have just started renovating the house next door to us. It is a massive project and it makes the street look filthy. To save on cost there is only one man doing the job so it is likely to take many years as he seems to have a disordered approach to construction. A big noisy sloppy mess.

Probably the biggest reason is we live on the edge of the city center and like most city centers, Its pretty rough. Manchester has a higher than average crime rate across the board, appearing in the top ten for most types of crime Source. There have been a lot of thefts and muggings in our area recently. Last year, our car keys were smashed out of our front porch at 7 am and our car stolen.

A gang of lads regularly smoke skunk on the corner of our house. There is a youth rehabilitation center at the end of our street. Recently, Julian was recently walking the dog at lunchtime. He was accosted by a scally (Northern English word for a low life loser, usually in a tracksuit, who lacks the basic education to string together sentences of more than five words Source ) and his scally girlfriend. The rant went a bit like this ‘What the F+& are you looking at, what the f+& are you looking at’ repeated eloquently several times. As he moved towards Julian he said his heart rate went up and he prepared himself to punch the lad before the lad punched him (I dont know how he thought that might pan out!). Ironically, he was on his way to pick up his heart medication.

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Don’t get me wrong, Manchester is alright. In 2017, It was voted number 51 in the worlds best cities to live in. But I’ve never really loved it and have always felt I was half in half out. The reason I moved to Manchester was for love and the reason I have stayed is for love (all be it not the same love). From talking to blow-ins like myself, love is usually the reason a lot of people move to Manchester if they have no other reason to be here in the first place. Having traveled the world now, I know it is definitely the most aesthetic of cities. Specifically, its architecture looks regurgitated and uncrafted. Some may like this but it isn’t my thing.

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The one thing that Manchester has for us, and this is a big one, is the people. I worry we won't find that when we move down south. The thing that is keeping us here is our friends, old and new. In the time I have lived here I have done some hard graft in making some lifelong friends. When Julian had his heart attack they were here for us every step of the way, and that will be very hard to leave. They have become our family in the absence of any real family here.

We are also living in a little microenvironment here in Manchester. Where everyone voted to remain in the EU referendum. My children are going to a multicultural school. Dorset, however, is predominantly white and will not have the diversity of Manchester. It also voted to leave the EU in the referendum. It is also a widely held belief that although the North is grim, the people are friendly. From reading the forums on Mumsnet, a lot of people struggle to make friends in Dorset or find people that they share common ground with.

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If it was just us we could handle it, but when you have young kids the rules change considerably. We feel we want more for our children than this.

So we are looking at moving to Dorset on the south coast of England. I have never been here but the pictures look amazing. Statistics say that people live on average 6 years longer than the national average. Dorset gets 165 hours of sunlight more than the national average.
And since it rains an awful lot in more in Manchester, 53% of the year according to one journalist's amusing little study in 2013 Source

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One of the biggest draws to moving to Dorset for us is, of course, the sea. Bournemouth has the longest beach in the UK, and has some of the most amazing natural beauty in the country, the Jurassic Coast and the New Forest for a start.

The question is do we stay here?

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Or move here?

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I think its pretty obvious what we've decided to do. We have to try it. If we don't, we will always wonder and worse maybe regret it. As much as we will miss the close friends we have made here, we can’t stay for that reason only. In fact, now we have decided, there really is nothing else we would rather do. We want to get our children away from the city to make a better life for them in a brighter and sunnier place. I want my children to grow up near the sea, away from the city. So as soon as we are ready, whether that is before or after the wedding, we are moving to Dorset to start the next chapter of our lives.