The feeling of failure...

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After flying high for what was a record 2 months, I feel like Icarus with melted wax wings.

My day yesterday gave no sign of being anything different when it began. I arose before the sun, ready to do what I must everyday, WIN.

*Guests confirmed.

*Music playlist tight.

*Shit I had even shined up my display for the OBS video part of the show.

The only problem?
My headset mic had taken a shit on me a few days previously and I had my back up version up instead.
This seemed to be adequate when I was preparing for the show. I recorded my interview with a guest even, uploaded and seemed all would be ok.
Yeah, it wasn't.

20 minutes before the start of the show, my mic started fakenewsing me. I couldn't understand why my Blue Snowball wasn'y working, all of a sudden. So instead of being in sound check in the pre show phase I was scrambling to find the solution.I arrived in hand over with my laptop mic as my only option and my rinky dink 3 dollar headphones as my weapons for war.

With no time to address it with the operations at MSP I started the show with a song, which the audience told me was sounding "tinney". As I went LIVE on the mic the issue intensified as my laptop mic wasn't getting me clear and loud.
Within seconds my anxiety roared into control like a raging and hungry dragon.
FEAR. PANIC. DREAD.
... failure....

With no option the show was ended and despite the heroic attempt by the dude Ron, this version of my show and a piece of me died.
I made this on SKETCH PAD

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I am nothing if not honest.

This was a straw that broke the camels back, the camel which was then set on fire and flung at a bus full of puppies, elderly and delicious deserts.
I have been going extra hard the last few weeks after being told that I need to do more to make the courts happy..

"..bottom line, Money talks.."
.....Judge Fuckface.

He told me I have until August to show sincerity( pay the FULL amount) or he is gonna have me booked on the spot. This is obviously inspiring me to not only try harder to get a "real job" but try and produce more here on steemit and on #CHRONIKnCOFFEE. Shit I have been kicking around ways to offer advertising on the show to earn a little more from the investment of time that my team @tommy2toe & @jackdub and I put in to come with the good shit....and stay out of jail.
This is not a cry fest .
This is a vent.
This is an apology to those I failed.
I hope to find a way to get this fixed in the next few days. I hope to drag myself out of this deep dark crater my body made upon impact from my fall...

~RESPECT~