The Book Dear Younger Me, victim to Victor : The Preface

Previously I have shared the introduction. Now the Preface:

I thank the many before me who have documented their domestic violence stories to create awareness. Every time this happens we collectively help other women realize these dysfunctions, and that they are not to blame as the perpetrators want them to believe. This subject is receiving widespread attention in today’s media. It’s needed. Each story bravely shared reveals the levels and depths of cruelty, violence, and control an abuser wields. Sharing brings a belief that we are not alone. Truth has the power to set us free and to heal the afflicted, but it inherently threatens the abuser since his lies can be shattered and dismantled in the face of it.

For some this book will bring healing, for some understanding, and for others a jump to defense and denial. The abuser and those he has conned may feel the need to discount, deny, or abuse me for now publicly revealing the abuse. This is a hard truth that will sometimes be emotionally difficult to read, but push on anyway. My book has a distinct Christian view because I am a Bible-believing, Jesus-loving Christian. If your beliefs are different, you will still find help and paths to healing in my true and heart-rendering story.

Along the way someone challenged me about using the words “Victim to Victor” in my title because the person felt there are no victors in domestic violence or in my story.

While I agree there are still hurdles, I no longer rise to a new day with any probability of a hand making impact with any part of my anatomy; no one whose primary goal is to control and suppress me in word or deed is sharing my space. My chest no longer feels anxiety; my mind is no longer overwhelmed with guilt from lack of escape plans or the feat of implementing them. His hits and throws did not bring a death blow and leave my children motherless. I now have a lovely home that is a serene, safe haven, and a superb career. My children graduated both high school and college with honors, though admittedly they too suffer internal scars. Perfection has not and will never be attained, but having lived under a cruel, violent, controlling man for over 20 years, I will celebrate that I was able to make that two-letter change: Victim to Victor.

I thank my adult son and one of my counselors for encouraging me to write this book. It was something I resisted, and has been one of the most gut-wrenching yet freeing things I have ever undertaken. In writing this I hope to bring truth into the light, explore the methods abusive people use to keep their victims captive, and help shed light on how perpetrators also loop in unsuspecting family members and by-standers.

You will find sections called “Dear Younger Me” in which I give the younger me advice and comfort that was so lacking during this scary path. I offer my pain as a platform to assist others, and hope many learn from my mistakes.