Rather Random Ramblings Episode 4 - Overcoming Hurdles

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It has been more than a trying day.

I was not active on here yesterday because it was Sunday and I had my Son with me. 

If you've read my first post you will know that I have had a very difficult time lately because my ex-wife has chosen to give me trouble at every given opportunity.

During our court case for me getting access to son Raheem, the judge had said that I was to collect my son at 10am and drop him off at 7pm on the same day. This was of course before I started keeping him overnight, after which my wife and I had mutually agreed that 11am until 11am was a more suitable time for us both.

And we tend to stick to this newer rule - unless she is in her "lets complicate things" mood.

11am is so much easier. It means I can get more work done on the morning I collect him. Maybe even fit in a gym session. And I'm not rushing as much when I drop him off. 

I should mention that whatever time is agreed, my ex wife will be late. Without fail. Her total disregard of timekeeping and punctuality is very disrespectful.

So last week Alisha announces that she would like to start taking Raheem to playgroup. Which is on a Monday morning at 10am. And the location is about 10 minutes from her parents house where she is living.

Now I am ecstatic for Raheem to be attending playgroup. It is a good thing on so many levels. He gets to interact with other humans in a supervised environment and it means he is not stuck indoors in the toxic atmosphere at their house.

But this 10am start means extra pressure on me. She wants me to collect him at 9.55am on a Sunday. And drop him off at 9.55am on Monday morning at the playgroup.

This probably sounds very simple to you. But it really isn't. And here is why.

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Alisha does not have a proper routine for Raheem. She keeps him awake until 11pm on some nights and thus he wakes up late in the mornings. He is only 20 months old!!!

So when he is with me I try to stick to a routine so that as he grows up he can see the difference.

My house is about 25 minutes away from where Alisha is living. When I drop him off at 11am I can leave my house at 10.30am and will always be on time.

To get him to playgroup by 9.55am means I have to leave my house at around 9am. And navigate through Monday morning rush hour traffic with a 20 month old baby in the back for almost an hour!

Not to mention the fact that I have to get him ready and give him breakfast as well as get myself ready. So I need to make sure he is awake by 8am at the latest.

Which means I have to have him in bed by 8.30pm on the Sunday night (which I would do anyway). As you can see my preparation for Monday morning starts on Sunday. Sunday morning in fact.

As I am usually aware he wont have slept until late on Saturday night, I have to plan my whole Sunday around Raheem's Sunday afternoon nap so that his evening bedtime is 8.30pm.

Again - you can say this is common for parents. But I am a single dad and it takes it's toll.

As I awake this morning, I received a text message from a friend who had decided that he doesn't want to be involved in our new YouTube venture anymore because we are getting more views than he anticipated. I was flabbergasted. But had no time to process it or deal with it there and then. 

I compartmentalised it.

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This was the first of today's hurdles.

I then had to get my Son ready with the thought planted in my mind that our YouTube channel was now solely my responsibility. 

But miraculously I arrived at the playgroup on time. And I phoned Alisha to say that we were outside.

No answer.

10 minutes passed and I tried a couple more times - and it was just ringing.

My son is by this point getting ratty in the car. He is fed up and doesn't know how to express that emotion except by showing me that he is upset.

I texted Alisha that I managed to get our son ready and travel halfway across the city to get there on time. And she is 15 minutes late and only lives 10 minutes away! I am not going to lie - I was furious! It is just unacceptable.

Eventually she did arrive and was totally oblivious to the fact that she had done anything wrong. In fact she said to me "hurry up I am late!"

Once she took Raheem indoors I sat in my car and actually wanted to cry. 

This morning, the text message - which I had tried to put into the back of my mind because I had more pressing concerns - and her lateness, combined with the other things in my head such as work and life pushed me to my limits.

I try so hard to be as good of a person as possible. To remain positive. To take these things in my stride. 

But even now they have the capability of breaking me. ALMOST!

In that few seconds, with my head in my hands, I realised to myself that I was NOT IN CONTROL of anyone else's behaviour except my own.

There is a famous quote which I reminded myself of:

"10% of life is what happens to us: 90% of life is how you deal with it"

And in that moment I decided that I would not allow myself to be beaten. Not now. Not ever.

No matter what the challenge is in front of me. I can overcome it. I WILL OVERCOME it.

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My will to succeed is too strong.

And this all comes down to mindset.

I will repeat this over and over in this post and in many future posts.

Your mind is the single most important factor in every single thing you do.

It is now 6.46pm and I can gladly say that this day did not defeat me. I rose to the challenge by telling myself that I would. 

And I DID!

You can overcome any hurdle by doing the same.

It is all in the mind.

authored by @daddy-0h  

rather random ramblings Ep 4 

Nov 2017