Where do quarrels come from?

Almost all couples, after the candy-bouquet period, are confronted with quarrels, misunderstanding, disagreement; This is especially true of those couples who managed to get married, and, so to speak, feel all the joy of life.

It’s not trivial, but no matter who you are and what your character is, everyone’s problems are the same and progress along the same lines.

For example, a woman reproaches her husband that he gives her too little attention, and her husband reproaches his wife that she spends too much time at home and does not do much. Here the problem lies in the fact that such couples are simply entangled in everyday life of misunderstanding and constant mutual reproaches.

And sadly, most often, lovers find it very difficult (if of course they can) find a way out of this situation, because each of them wants to defend what is important to him - his positions, concepts and principles. In the end, with the head in scandals, the couple simply forgets that family life is not a battlefield, where you have to win military battles and invent new and new strategies. The fight for the first place is a straight road to the marsh, from which a couple does not get out, and then a break occurs.

Dear lovers! As one of my friends said: "smart people do not complain, and if they complain, then all their complaints are in court." In other words, if your partner is not completely satisfied with you, do not spoil life for yourself or him, do not waste on a person who is “not the only one” for you, the most precious thing you have is your time. Nobody will return it to you. If you love each other, but the periodic scandals leave more and more scars on your heart, you must fight. Fight with yourself for your love.

Relationships can be compared to a two-sided staircase.

Positive marriage ladder

Imagine that you are standing at the bottom and then you meet your future husband - you take a step forward. Falling in love - take another step, trust each other, get closer and closer, and then you realize that you are standing with him or with her at the very top of this staircase holding hands.

Negative ladder of marriage

There are things that you never need to say. There is no reason or excuse for why one of you decided to say this. Your attitude is kind and caring and you are in a dispute, angry at first called him, for example, an idiot. You deliberately humiliated him by saying this. And if he doesn’t react particularly negatively to this, with the next quarrel you will again allow yourself such a humiliation in his direction. We are such people, we always check what we can say and to whom, but who can not. Do not allow your partner or yourself to overstep that line, after which, crossing, it becomes shameful. If you said something that was not worth talking, apologize sincerely. Tell your partner that you had no right to say so, and you never tell him so again. Sincerity and remorse heals very deep wounds.

Start a conversation constructively, understand what your mistakes and mistakes of your partner are. Accept the fact that you behaved stupidly, and try to correct everything that has already been done. In a relationship, a couple can give many chances to each other. Sometimes it even seems that you can swear and say anything to each other, anyway, tomorrow or the day after tomorrow we will make peace. But life is not a movie where everything just ends well. Need work and work is serious. And so we begin to correct the mistakes of the past.

We are looking for a way out of a conflict situation.

The first thing you need to do is tune in to a conversation. Try to pacify your ardor and stop competing with each other. Your main task at this stage of rehabilitation is again, as at the beginning of a relationship, to accept and understand each other.

Stop changing your other half - this is impossible. Each of us has its shortcomings and small weaknesses. No need to be silent about their grievances. So they accumulate and develop into a wave of negativity, which, necessarily, sooner or later, will sink your boat of love. You should talk like two people who respect each other and want to maintain their valuable relationship.

The conversation will be successful if you show your interlocutor that you are set up peacefully for a pleasant and calm conversation. To do this, say often that you want you to appreciate and respect each other, that everything will work out for us, and it will be good. This will help both of you tune into the optimistic wave.

The main thing in your conversation is to solve the problems that have accumulated, and peaceful reconciliation. To do this, do not rush to speak, do not interrupt, speak slowly, without succumbing to emotions, clearly expressing the cause of their offenses and frustrations.

If the situation starts to get out of control, do not raise your voice or tone. This will only worsen your conversation. Go to different rooms for a couple of minutes until you calm down.

Next is to have a constructive conversation. Nobody interrupts anyone and listens carefully. Talk as if you were locked in an apartment for a couple of days and you have nowhere to go. Go to the next question only when the previous one was discussed. This type of conversation is the most successful.

Let's play?

Clarify the relationship will help role-playing game "swap roles." You are changing roles with your partner. Believe me, thanks to this game, you will see how difficult it is not only for you, but also for your partner (look at yourself from the outside). After that, acknowledge each other that it’s really not easy for both of you, and apologize for your past behavior.

And now about the pleasant ...

After you successfully dealt with family misunderstandings and offenses, psychologists advise you to change the situation. Go to the park or restaurant, anywhere, where you could have a nice and pleasant chat.

And remember that respect should always be present in your communication. Appreciate each other, love each other, because life is too short to waste it on scandals!