Setting Up Healthy Boundaries

People struggle with finding themselves in relationships, work, and life in general. Oftentimes, there are thoughts of “not knowing who I am” that we encounter and do not know how to fix. It may be that these problems are originating from a sense of not understanding and accepting what your limits are. In order to be happy in all spheres of your existence, you need to learn how to set up and sustain healthy boundaries.

Know Your Limits
Setting up boundaries will do you no good if you are unsure of where you stand. Learn to identify your physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental limits. Know what you can tolerate or what makes you feel uncomfortable.

Remember that setting up personal boundaries also means telling others “no.” This requires a level of assertiveness that you may not feel comfortable with yet, so you are going to need to practice. Start small then work your way up to expanding your boundaries. Doing so will prevent you from feeling overwhelmed.

Check in With Your Emotions
When your boundaries are unclear or unprotected from the world, you will lose all kinds of positive energy. In turn, you begin to feel discomfort and resentment towards yourself and others. Learn to look for the warning signs of something that will breach your boundaries, such as someone who screams “toxic relationship” or being forced to do something that you do not enjoy. Perhaps you are merely unable to separate “career you” from “family you.”

Practice Self-Awareness
When you set a boundary, telling yourself where you stand on subjects will only go so far. You need to know self-love. Know your feelings and respect them. Falling by the wayside when trying to appease others will cause your boundaries to waver. Rather than just letting this happen, analyze the situation.

Ask yourself the following questions:
• What has changed?
• What happened that made me feel this way?
• What did I do? Or what did the other person do?
• Why am I feeling resentful, stressed, or displeased?
• How can I back away to find poise?
• How can I regain control of this situation?

When you know the right questions, you will be able to direct yourself to the proper resolution.

Ground Yourself
Within many spiritual practices is the term “grounding,” which talks about creating and loving a connection to mind, body, and spirit. First we establish this connection within ourselves. Then we can apply it to others.

There are many practices in grounding that can be recommended. These are usually exercises rooted in self-love and acceptance.

Try some of the following grounding exercises for yourself:
• Positive affirmations – “I am enough,” “I am strong,” or “I can do anything I set my mind.”
• Blessing a morning meal – if you have a religion you follow, use one of the traditional prayers related to love and respect to start the morning right.
• Coming up with a mantra or chant during meditation or during stressful moments
• Meditating
• Prayer
• Breathing practices

Setting up boundaries takes courage and patience, but most of all, self-love and respect. When you begin to listen to your emotions, you begin to realize what you are and are not cool with. Let these boundaries be a gentle reminder that is okay to say “no,” especially when the task or the person is going to drain you of positive energy. So now that you know how, give a shot, and see how much more optimism radiates through you.

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© Written by Andrew Morrissey
https://andrewmorrissey.com