The Ugly, Irritating, and Mean

So,
I went to the #dentist the other day. In and of itself, this is a life event for me. I've managed to go my whole life having entered a Dentist’s office all of 3 times.

I've also nearly made it to mid-30 with the one cavity; my reason for my recent dentists visit.

I'm obsessive about my #teeth. I spent 5 minutes explaining why I feel the need to brush my teeth 5, 6, 9 times a day.

But, again, that's another story which I'll consider telling later.

Germaine

Anyway, I was getting checked in. This was my first time to see this Dentist so there was a fair amount of intake paperwork. When the lady at the front desk with the #beautiful name asked me who my employer was, I said:

well, I work from home. I'm a #writer, #photographer, and #creator.

She smiled, laughed, and then joked that I was just rubbing it in to the tune of the commercial jingle.

Which got me to thinking.

I wasn't rubbing in anything. It's the answer she solicited. But, what struck me was my go to response.

In all actuality, I held back my answer. But, my go to answer was still swirling around my mind.

Working from home, and being #self-employed isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Don't get me wrong

I #lovemyjob and I #love what I do.

But it has its warts.

I'm sure Sam and Dean love what they do- but the real-life side of the #Winchesters is probably less warty than their fictional roles.

I say this because the subjective perspective of what I do, and the objective reality are two completely different things. For those of us who are any good at and able to eek(ing) out any kind of humble living in this profession, the differences between the subjective perspectives objective facts are mutually exclusive.

It all comes down to #perspective, #reality, and #personal #responsibility.

Perspective

I honestly believe that what my husband thinks I do is something akin to him posting on #TikTok. He loves TikTok. He’s having a lot of fun with that app right now. What he does is this:

• Sits in his chair with his phone in his hand
• His hearing is impaired from the 50-Cal he was assigned to in Iraq, so, of-course, the volume is up as high as it can go without the phone sending that warning about loud volumes.
• He scrolls through his For You page and Following list looking for someone to Duet
• When he finds a video he can easily duet, he runs into the laundry room. The laundry room is the room with the best lighting in our house.
• A few minutes later, he comes out of the laundry room, playing his new video on a loop until I yield and watch it on my app.

Now, don’t misunderstand me please. I love my husband dearly. But, in many ways he’s like a child. He needs lots of love and attention. He’s the youngest of 4 siblings, so…

Going back to the original discussion.

I honestly believe that my husband thinks that what I do is as simple as this.

In his mind,

• I sit at my desk, with my earbuds in.
• I go through the list of open and available jobs until I find one I like
• Since my desktop is an all-in-one behemoth, I can’t run off to the laundry room for light, so I make do with the lamp by my table.
• I send in my qualifications, and BOOM. Just like that I have a paying job. The job itself is nothing, and doesn’t exist for him. Therefore, my task is done. I’m done working, and will get paid for this sometime in the next 10 to 14 days.

Then there are my in-laws. To them, I’m at home all day every day. In their minds, I don’t do anything.

To make matters worse- I have #ADD. Those of you who have ADD understand this. I don’t #medicate. I never have, because the one medication that actually works for me without making me feel disconnected from my body is currently federally illegal.

Like I said, my husband is like a child in that he wants #attention. When I spend his days off at my computer working to meet #deadlines, he gets lonely and jealous. So, he interrupts me. This is never done maliciously or abruptly.

He’ll simply lean down to kiss me. Or he’ll stand in front of my desk staring at me until I look up. These #interruptions may seem minor- but they’re catastrophic for someone with ADD. When I want to work, I have to put concerted effort into focusing on my task. When my focus is broken, even for a moment, I have to take more time to re-focus.

A simple kiss can cost me an hour of work.