men's crises, and the role of the wife in their experience.

It is commonly believed that women as psychologically more fragile often suffer from all sorts of crises. It turns out - on the contrary.

Women, endowed with a more flexible, and therefore able to quickly adapt to the new circumstances of the psyche, easier to cope with the unusual and unpredictable.

The crisis of a lifetime

Many of my colleagues believe that, by and large, women only pass through two critical periods.

This crisis of the thirties - the transition from adolescence to early maturity and 50th anniversary - entry into late maturity.

And both the great search for a new identity in women are associated with the acceptance of themselves as adults, than before.

Men, as soon as they leave adolescence, face crises every ten years.

In twenty - with a crisis of choice, at thirty - a crisis of motivations, in forty - achievements, in fifty - differences between expectation and result, in sixty - recognition, at seventy - summing up and transfer of experience, at eighty - needs.

Fortunately, the crisis is not a disease. Therefore, if you are a mother or a wife, do not have to treat your young or not very man as a sick person.

Do not try to give advice - you do not really know how to do better. Do not rush to substitute your shoulder, isolate your husband from daily worries, which, compared to the pains of the beloved, seem insignificant.

Men do not expect that you will replace them with their own mother, a faithful friend, a psychoanalyst. Remain a wife.

Everything that does not kill us, hardens

The experience of others in such cases usually does not help. Crisis periods are so called, that during them people are looking for their own answers to questions that previously they did not have the need to put.

It is assumed that having coped, the man becomes stronger. When you decide for a son or a loved one, where to go, where to work, with whom to make friends, and with whom to break off relations, you will, of course, facilitate his work to some extent. However, too hard to help, deprive and the joy of the winner.

And yet - he will subconsciously feel your debtor and will be grateful to you. And this, you see, is burdensome. Usually it is because of the burden of gratitude, the need for constant recognition of someone's exceptional role in our lives, that we often avoid contacting our benefactors. Although we give them their due. We respect from afar.

Shoulder, waistcoat, and, to put it more simply, crutches - not so characteristic of women.

Firstly, this tactic of gentle tidying up to the hands in the guise of vigilant care deprives the relationship of fresh air and much needed vitality of trust to each other.

Secondly, actively advising a man how to get out of the impasse or impose his opinion on the meaning of life, you reduce his chances of finding his own solution to the problem.

To be useful often want insecure women, who believe that love must earn and fight for it. They are used to think that they themselves do not love for themselves, so they try to keep under control all spheres of life, including husband or son.

A middle-aged crisis or a young mistress?

Taking into account that the reverse side of the inferiority complex is an overly inflated ego, often such female sufferers make any changes in the behavior of their beloved to their own account.

A common situation. He and she live together for fifteen years, have two good children, do not quarrel. But recently, my husband began to secluded himself at the computer in the evenings, locked in himself.

His wife concludes that he no longer loves and - classical - "he has someone".

Although, as it turned out, he was just experiencing a crisis of forty years. When everything seems to be all right, everything is enough, but nothing really pleases. Consequently, he needed time to rethink something, to deal with his feelings alone.

And the best at this time - do not make hysterics, do not demand an assurance of love, and leave him alone.

But only in a step from divorce a woman realizes that a man is not her property, he - however, like other family members - has the right to his own life.

The main help is to leave alone

As for children, then trying to do for their choice, we mask in this way our fear of letting them go into adulthood. And we pass the fear of life to them.

The main thing in such situations is not to cross the personal boundaries.

Help only when you are asked. Do not take responsibility for the fate of adults, thus depriving them of the right to make decisions themselves. Switch to your own interests and take care of yourself.

If you are the same man in the period of the next age crisis, do not dramatize your condition. Do not go to extremes, believing that either you have everything, or you make everyone suffer.

Remember: even if you do nothing, the crisis will pass by itself. And the fact that you survive it can already be considered a victory.