The truth hurts but it can also help you move forward.

Writing this in notes for i fear it's to honest to post, after reading a comment on a video I made of my "vision fast" ( at least you earned some good crypto) and it's made reflect on what really are my motives. . . Why did I go do the fast, was I looking to deepen my relationship with myself, or am I just trying to earn crypto!? My career as an artist is not exactly taking off, I have a total of zero bookings coming up and it's little wonder, how is anybody supposed to know what the fuck to book me for? I'm the vaguest artist ever, not quite a circus performers, dancer or musician. I don't have a website or a business card nor do I have any place or way to clearly offer my services! I mean what the fuck am I doing!? Apart from narcissistically posting on Instagram and desperately trying to make it look like I'm active busy and in some way succeeding in the naive hope that the phone might ring with a big break! "Abel artist, we saw that handstand you did on boat and it stood out above all the other hundred of other handstand posts, won't you come and be the head of our luxury yacht marketing campaign!?" Yea sure, ill be ready but the truth is it's not happening.
Where did I go so astray!? I used to provide some kind of value to the world . . . Now I feel like a moaning bitch whining for attention. I want to perform but it was a hard year last year. Getting involved in a relationship thinking it would be the start of a life of touring and performing together and ending up crippled by the emotional hardship of putting everything out there and it being met with strange looks and social unease, i used to live for performing! After many shitty experiences awkward awkward times and my partner telling me she hates to be feeling that all the time, I lost so much self confidence . . . The relationship ended i ended up three months living back at my mum's house, that's when I found crypto and steemit and got sucked into this platform. Then in got a Christmas contract and then I left on a trip, I've been building myself back up, physical, mentally and now with my actions and pursuits.
Finally I'm really driven to succeed, and get out and offer some value to the world, even if it's just to make people smile or laugh. . . I traveled with a Dutch guy for a couple of days and when we went separate ways, he told me that I had inspired him, with my creativity and the way I do things differently, he was the same age as me and it was really nice and uplifting to hear. I'm going to Hoi An tomorrow I've prepared the skeleton of a street show, within that will be separate acts that I will film and get pictures of to have as my acts people can book!
I'm in touch with a yoga space to teach handstands and I will have my movement workshops to offer. What's more I want to make these more about movement therapy. . . Using facilitated dance practice to help people with anxiety and depression, through healthy practice!
Yes it hasn't been easy . . . But it's all been valuable and i don't regret the last year's
I'm more proud of who I am and what I'm doing . . . I'm ready for the world, bring it on. . Fuck it I will post this up on steemit. I don't care who see's it or what it earns I've written it for me .
I'm the Abel Artist bloody ninja clown coming at you!!