Facebook’s New Libra Coin Sparks Yet Another Controversy*

Facebook, the social media giant of the internet generation, has announced that it’s releasing a new stablecoin called Libra. Originally, there were reports that the new currency would be called “GlobalCoin,” which awoke the conspiracy theorists to point and yell “See? We told you Facebook is working for the New World Order Illuminati,” all over the internet.

Looking over the initial market data, the Facebook team has decided to forgo the 1984 references “for personal reasons” and pivoted to a more lighthearted brand, signifying harmony and justice: the horoscope sign “Libra.”

Little did they know that this would spark an even bigger controversy as zealots all over the world identifying as their Zodiac signs are rising up in opposition to Libra being the new world currency.

The jealous Scorpios are wondering why the boring and needy Libras are being hailed as the next “big thing,” while the Cancers are crying in the corner because they’re never picked for anything fun.

The Gemini, led by the Winklevoss twins, have been fueling the fire by going back and forth between the two camps, gossiping about how having your own crypto is a right of passage and if you haven’t launched your own ICO by now, you might as well just jump off a bridge. (By the way, their Gemini Dollar has been doing great on Coinmarketcap).

Meanwhile, the snarky and sarcastic Aries can be found snickering on the sidelines, trollololing and HODLing their Bitcoin.

We asked a Pisces what she thought about the news: “I just wish everyone would get along. We can have a social media platform that is tolerant and inclusive. Just because Facebook has favored the Libras for their currency, doesn’t mean they can’t also have a Scorpio drama feed, or an Aquarius search engine. If we just dream big and work together, we can accomplish anything.”

As a Taurus himself, born on May 14th 1984, Mark Zuckerberg was overheard saying “I just don’t understand why everyone is up in arms about this. It’s going to make me so much money.” We get it, a Taurus needs his worldly pleasures.

The Libras, of course, have been horrified by the explosion of all this negative attention. Their desire to be popular has suddenly backfired just when they thought they’ve reached the top of the social pyramid scheme.

The only ones that seem to be quite in this debate are the proud and ambitious Leos who are usually clamouring to be the center of attention. Some are wondering why the melodramatics haven’t started, but you don’t have to look far to see that the Leos already have their own coin, created by Bitfinex Exchange that has been recently garnering the attention of everyone, even the Attorney General of NY.

With everyone fighting over which Zodiac sign deserves to be the most used digital currency, it seems that the Facebook team is faced with another tough decision: do they change the name again or stick it out and continue to discriminate against the other eleven identities?

*this is satire